Harry Potter Text Messages (HPTM)
by daughterofathena2
Summary: Yet another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, except this time, cell phones are involved. lets see how this plays out shall we?
1. Chapter 1

Harry potter text messages (HPTM)

**Harry:** I've never had a cell phone before.

**Hermione:** Harry! We can use these for studying and making flash cards and learning new spells and…

**Ron:** I don't understand this Muggle contraption.

**Snape:** turn to page 394

**Harry:** what the hell? We are not even in class its Saturday.

**Ron:** and how did you get into this conversation?

**Snape:** that is none of your concern Weasley, and as for you Potter, 50 points from Gryffindor for using that kind of language. Now get to class.

**Hermione:** yes sir.

**Harry: **you know what my dad and Sirius used to call him?

**Ron:** what?

**Harry:** Snivellus.

**Ron:**

**Harry:** mate, that's just creepy

**Dumbledore:** Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts….

**McGonagall:** Albus? What are you saying?

**Dumbledore:** it's a song Minerva! A most wonderful song which I think should be taught to every one of the students without delay!

**Minerva:** but how does the song go Albus? And who wrote it?

**Dumbledore:** the author is unknown but is a lovely catchy tune which goes like this:

Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts

Teach us something please

Whether we be old and bald

Or young with scabby knees

Our heads could do with filling

With some interesting stuff

For now they're bare and full of air,

Dead flies and bits of fluff

So teach us things worth knowing

Bring back what we've forgot

Just do your best, we'll do the rest

And learn until our brains all rot.

**McGonagall:** well, it sure is interesting, how did you come across it?

**Dumbledore:** it was in a book, along with some rather graphic images of something I'm sure you don't want to know about.

**McGonagall:** alright then, we will teach it to the students at dinner.

**Dumbledore:** Excellent!

**Dumbledore:** now students, I have an announcement. I want each and every one of you to learn the song which has now been emailed to your little cell gadget thingys. Ok? Now everybody needs to learn this because it is now the schools very own rock anthem. And every single student may be asked to sing it at random points during the day if you sing it on your own that is excellent and will award you some house points! Tick tock look at the clock it's time for bed!

**Draco:** this is complete rubbish! When my father hears about this I know he will campaign to get Dumbledore fired once and for all!

**Ginny:** news flash Malfoy, your dad got fired from the school board after he tried to get Dumbledore fired from this a couple of years ago!

**Draco:** shut it blood traitor! You don't know anything about my family.

**Ginny:** oh like you don't have a house elf anymore and your daddy doesn't have as big a pull at the ministry

**Pansy:** Draco, what is she talking about? You never told us any of this.

**Ginny**: cuz he's embarrassed and he's a wimp! Night y'all!

**Colin Creevey:** Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts;

**Dennis** **Creevey:** teach us something please!

**Filch:** SHUT UP IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN 24 HOURS AND EVERYONE IS SINGING THAT SONG DETENTION FOR THE BOTH OF YOU FOR DISTURBING THE PEACE!

**Dennis Creevey:** but Professor Dumbledore said….

**Filch:** I DON'T CARE WHAT PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE SAID! HE IS A CRAZY MAN UNFIT TO LEAD THIS SCHOOL, PROFESSOR UMBRIDGE WAS A MUCH BETTER CHOICE!

**Dumbledore:** Mr. Filch I believe it is time for you to stop terrorizing these students and get on with your work.

**Filch:** yes sir.


	2. Chapter 2 Harry's gone mad!

**I am sorry about the last chapter, a couple of people were a bit confused about what I meant when Dumbledore said "in a little book with some graphic images I am sure you don't want to know about" I assure you that I meant nothing overly inappropriate**.

**Harry:** PEANUT

**Hermione:** excuse me? Harry are you ok?

**Harry:** SUPERMAN

**Hermione:** who the bloody hell is superman?

**Hermione:** Harry?

**Draco:** haha this is the best thing ever!

**Harry:** CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

**Hermione: **Malfoy! What did you do to Harry!?

**Malfoy:** figure it out mudblood! :)

**Harry:** AHH IT'S VOLDEMORT!

**Hermione**: Harry no it's not it's just Malfoy being Malfoy!

**Harry:** RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

**Hermione:** HARRY NO GET BACK HERE! RON!

**Ron:** what's going on?

**Hermione:** Malfoy made Harry go crazy and now Harry is running around school screaming random nonsense!

**Ron:** what do you want me to do?

**Hermione:** RONALD WEASLY WHAT DO YOU THINK I WANT YOU TO DO?

**Ron:** Uhhhhhh

**Hermione**: CATCH HIM BEFORE HE HURTS HIMSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE

**Ron:** right!

**Draco:** haha good luck getting the spell reversed bitches!

**Hermione**: shut up Malfoy!

**Ginny:** uhh Hermione? Why is Harry running around school screaming about random things that don't make sense?

**Hermione:** Draco Malfoy

**Hermione:** spell

**Hermione:** don't know counter curse

**Ginny:** Ahh I understand

**Ginny:** where's Ron?

**Hermione:** he is supposed to be chasing Harry

**Ginny:** ahh yes I see him now

**Hermione:** right well I've been trying to find a teacher but I can't

**Ginny:** huh, maybe it's for the best considering...

**Hermione:** yeah...

**Ginny:** got to go

**Hermione:** where?

**Ginny:** put a bat bogey hex on Malfoy

**Hermione:** well as a prefect I should stop you but...

**Ginny:** but?

**Hermione: **add a jelly legs jinx while you're at it

**Ginny:** haha you got it! See you later!

**Hermione:** bye!

**Ron: **HARRY GET BACK HERE!

**Harry:** NO I MUST KEEP RUNNING

**Ron:** SAYS WHO?

**Harry:** SAYS THE LITTLE VOICES INSIDE MY HEAD!

**Ron:** NO HARRY THE ONY VOICE THAT SHOULD BE INSIDE YOUR HEAD IS YOUR CONSCIENCE!

**Draco:** actually the little voice inside his head is me, it's another part of the curse I put on him.

**Ron:** ahh bloody hell Malfoy!

**Draco:** AHH WHAT THE BLOODY HELL? GET 'EM OFF ME! HELP HELP WHAT ARE MY LEGS DOING? I HATE DANCING!

**Ron:** Uhhhhhh what's going on?

**Ginny:** bat bogey hex and jelly legs jinx combined

**Ron:** nice!

**Ginny:** Yeah, it would've happened earlier but it took me a while to find where he was hiding

**Draco:** AHHH THAT'S A BIG BAT! I HATE BATS!

**Ginny:** good to know! Anyway peace out people this was fun but I have an essay to write!

**Ron:** I have a crazy maniac to catch

**Hermione:** and I have a curse to counter

**Draco: **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Harry:** BATTER UP!

**In my opinion, this is definitely better then the last one. I'm not quite sure what's wrong with Harry or where that came from. Perhaps I'm a bit mad like my friend Carlyle who writes the hilarious Merlin Text Message story! Anyway I write when I get ideas so put suggestions in the little review box below!**

**-daughterofathena2**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry this took longer than the last time! I was suffering from writers block for a bit! Anyway I hope you enjoy phase 2 of Draco's curse!**

**Harry: **D-R-A-C-O

**Harry: **SAY IT WITH ME PEOPLE!

**Harry: **D-R-A-C-O

**Harry: **COME ON NOW!

**Harry: **HE'S IN SLYTHERIN

**Harry: **GREATEST OF THE HOGWARTS FOUR

**Harry: **HIS HAIR IS SO SHINY

**Harry: **HE IS SOOOO COOL

**Hermione: **Harry? What are you doing?

**Harry: **PRAISING MY LORD DRACO IN SONG

**Hermione: **did you write this song Harry?

**Harry: **NO MY LADY PANSY DID

**Hermione: **so why are you singing it?

**Harry: **THE LITTLE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD TOLD ME TOO!

**Hermione: **little voice inside your...MALFOY!

**Draco: **yes?

**Hermione: **what is wrong with Harry?

**Draco: **Phase 2 of the curse I put on him.

**Hermione: **how many phases does your curse have Malfoy?

**Draco: **I don't remember... Oh! That reminds me! Harry begin verse 2 now!

**Harry: **WITH PLEASURE MY LORD

**Harry: **PANSY PANSY LOVELY LOVELY PANSY!

**Harry: **HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT?

**Harry: **GIVE ME A P!

**Random slytherins: **P!

**Harry: **GIVE ME AN A!

**Random slytherins: **A!

**Harry: **GIVE ME AN N!

**Random slytherins: **N!

**Harry: **GIVE ME AN S!

**Random slytherins: **S!

**Harry: **GIVE ME A Y!

**Random slytherins: **Y!

**Harry: **WHAT DOES THAT SPELL?

**Hermione: **SILENCIO!

**Random slytherins:_**

**Harry (even louder): **PANSY! PANSY! SHE'S AS PRETTY AS AFLOWER! AS SMART AS ANY OTHER!

**Hermione: **what is going on? Why didn't my spell work?!

**Pansy: **haha Granger! Whenever you try to silence Harry the oppositehappens! Teehee what a brilliant plan of Draco's!

**Harry: **YES INDEED MY LADY!

**Ginny: **What's going on now?

**Hermione: **phase 2 of Draco's curse

**Ginny: **ugh the creeps still at it? How did he even put the curse on Harry anyway?

**Hermione: **my three least favorite words put together:I don't know

**Harry: **LORD DRACO AND LADY PANSY ARE WONDERFUL

**Ron: **Aww bloody hell what's wrong with Harry now?

**Hermione and Ginny: **Phase 2 of curse

**Ron: **do I have to chase Harry? Because that didn't work out to well the first time.

**Ginny: **what happened the first time?

**Hermione: **Harry ran towards the forbidden forest and Ron ran into a tree trying to go after him

**Ginny: **how did you not see a big tree?

**Ron: **It was dark!

**Draco: **haha have fun trying to return Harry to normal!

**Pansy: **Bu-Bye!

**Ginny: **I really hate those two

**Hermione: **I second that

**Ron: **can I third it?

**Ginny: **no, that just sounds weird

**Ron: **aww :-(

**Harry: **WELL I LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART!

**There still seems to be a lack of teachers, no worries though, Dumbledore and McGonagall will come back. Perhaps I will add in Snape and Slughorn as well… if you have any suggestions as too characters I should add or events I should make happen (the autocorrect plague, perhaps?) please put suggestions in the review box below! If you have something to criticize please do not hesitate to tell me! **

**Till next time,**

**Daughterofathena2**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey I hope everybody likes this chapter! I wrote it during school so if some of this doesn't make much sense it is because I had to stop writing for a bit so I lost my train of thought.**  
**Pansy:** so you have made Potter go crazy and be our personal cheerleaders  
**Draco:** yes I have  
**Pansy:** so what's next?  
**Draco:** I am going to make Harry act like our house-elf  
**Pansy:** Brilliant!  
**Draco:** I know it's brilliant! I came up with it  
Next day (Saturday)  
**Harry:** is there anything I can do for you my lord and lady?  
**Draco: **go fetch us a plate of food from the kitchens  
**Harry:** what kind of food would you like?  
**Pansy:** fruit and cheese  
**Draco:** Potter I'm hungry get the food NOW  
**Harry:** yes sir consider it done!  
5 minutes later...  
**Harry:** here you are my lord and lady, fruit and cheese as you requested  
**Pansy:** this is the wrong kind, take it away immediately!  
**Harry:** what kind of fruit did you want?  
**Draco:** it doesn't matter anymore because you brought us the wrong kind so take it away NOW or you will be severely punished!  
**Harry:** my apologies sir, I will take this platter away immediately and punish myself  
**Draco:** good

**Hermione: **Harry! What on earth are you doing?!  
**Harry (while hitting himself in the head with a bat): **punishing myself  
**Hermione:** WHY?!  
**Harry:** for doing my lord Draco and lady Pansy wrong!  
**Hermione:** Harry doing them wrong is a GOOD thing!  
**Harry (mortified):** they are my masters and I am their house-elf. It is my duty to complete their orders and punish myself if I get them wrong!  
**Hermione:** no Harry (putting her hand on his shoulder) you...  
**Harry:** DON'T TOUCH ME YOU FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD!  
**Ron:** WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?  
**Harry:** A MUDBLOOD BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE IS  
**Harry:** A FILTHY  
**Harry:** NO GOOD  
**Harry:** MUD...  
**Ron (getting ready to punch Harry):** DON'T CALL HER THAT!  
**Hermione:** RON NO DON'T ITS NOT HARRY TALKING IT'S MALFOY!  
**Ron:** I DON'T CARE!  
**Hermione:** RON NO! GINNY HELP ME!  
**Ginny (while helping Hermione restrain Ron):**WHY IS RON TRYING TO HURT HARRY?!  
**Hermione:** MALFOY IS STILL IN HARRY'S HEAD AND HE CALLED ME A MUDBLOOD!  
**Ginny:**UGH IM GETTING TIRED OF THIS!  
**Hermione: **WHAT?  
**Ginny:** STUPEFY!  
**Hermione:** what did you do that for?  
**Ginny:** to stop him from killing Harry  
**Hermione:** OK when do we wake him up?  
**Ginny:** I vote we wait for the curse to end.  
**Hermione: **I second that  
**Ginny:** I don't think Ron would try and third this one.  
**Hermione:** nope  
**Ginny:** what's Harry trying to do now?  
**Harry:** I am trying to apparate to the divine presence if my lord Draco for he is calling me  
**Hermione:** merlins pants Harry how many times do I have to tell you this? You can't apparate in and out of Hogwarts grounds!  
**Harry:** I am a house- elf so of course I can!  
**Snape: **Potter have you truly suffered that much brain damage to believe that you are a house-elf?  
**Hermione:** sorry professor, Harry hasn't been himself lately.  
**Snape:** really?  
**Hermione:** yes sir. You see he...  
**Snape:** Ms. Granger I don't really care.  
**Dumbledore:** really Severus? You don't care about the welfare of our students?  
**Snape:** :-{  
**Dumbledore:** well Ms. Granger, what is wrong with Mr. Potter?  
**Hermione:** well sir it is rather difficult to explain...

Meanwhile in a separate part of the castle:  
**Slughorn:** Harry m'boy! How are you this fine afternoon?  
**Harry:** good afternoon professor, if you will excuse me I have some things I must do.  
**Slughorn:** of course but I was wondering if you were going to come to my party later this week  
**Harry:** I can't, Quiditch practice but thank you very much professor  
**Slughorn:** are you sure? What a pity perhaps we can reschedule  
**Harry (losing patience):** I would be delighted to come when I can professor.  
**Slughorn:** jolly good now Harry I wanted to talk to you about...  
**Harry:** BLOODY HELL OLD MAN LEAVE ME ALONE I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO!  
**Slughorn:** O.o Harry! You cannot talk to me in that tone!  
**Harry:** OF COURSE I CAN I AM THE BLOODY CHOSEN ONE. THE PRECIOUS BOY WHO LIVED  
**Slughorn:** Harry! What is the matter with you?  
**Ginny:** my apologies professor! This is all my fault! We were practicing DADA and I mis-read a spell, Hermione and I are still working on how to fix it.  
**Slughorn:** oh well that explains it.

**Ginny** **(dragging Harry behind her):** Hermione we need to fix this!  
**Hermione:** oh no what did he do now?  
**Ginny:** insulted Slughorn  
**Hermione:** oh dear how did you get him out of trouble?  
**Ginny:** something about it being my fault and that we were trying to fix it.  
**Hermione:** why didn't you tell him about Malfoy?  
**Ginny:** i figure we shouldn't until we fix it so he can't make it worse.  
**Hermione:** good idea  
**Ginny:** by the way, where did you put Ron?  
**Hermione:** MERLINS PANTS  
**Ginny:** what?  
**Hermione:** when I saw snape come up I hid him behind hagrids cabin  
**Ginny:** and?  
**Hermione:** and I left him there!  
**Ginny:** oh well, we can just get him in the morning.  
**Hermione:** yeah if we get caught outside we could get detention!  
**Ginny:** I'm more worried about getting suspended from Quiditch.  
**Harry: **My lord Draco is calling me I must go to him!  
**Hermione:** Petreficus Totalus!  
**Ginny:** well Harry's not going anywhere for a while.  
**Hermione: **that's the plan.

**I have to give some credit to my friend Carlyle who gave me the idea of Harry acting like a house-elf. If you gave me suggestions for plots have no fear, they will happen soon within the next couple of chapters. I also gave professor Snape his own personal signature, if u caught it, good for u! If not, here's a hint: think of Cora from once upon a time txt message and Morgana from Merlin text messages. Though it only came once in this chapter I promise it will show up again!****  
****- daughterofathena**


	5. Chapter 5: cartwheels

**I ought to do this at least once: DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to Harry Potter or Warner Bros. or anything like that, but I wish I did! Anyway enjoy this chapter!**  
**Ginny:** Hermione wake up  
**Hermione:** Ginny it's 7 in the morning on a Sunday  
**Ginny:** so?  
**Hermione:** go away  
**Ginny:** wake up  
**Hermione:** go away  
**Ginny:** wake up  
**Hermione:** go away  
**Ginny:** WAKE UP  
**Hermione:** GO AWAY  
**Ginny:** you made me do this  
**Hermione:** what are you tal...  
**Ginny:** AGUAMENTI  
**Hermione:** AHHHH WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR?  
**Ginny:** to wake you up  
**Ginny:** it worked  
**Hermione:** WHY?!  
**Ginny:** Harry's gone  
**Hermione:** what do you mean "Harry's gone"?  
**Ginny:** I mean I went to check on him to make sure he hadn't suffocated and...  
**Hermione:** and?  
**Ginny:** and he wasn't there  
**Hermione:** well this isn't good  
**Ginny:** nope  
**Hermione:** let's find Ron before we try and find Harry.  
**Ginny:** why Ron first?  
**Hermione:** because we know where Ron is but we don't know where Harry is.  
**Ginny: **well you can skip the finding Ron part  
**Hermione:** why?  
**Ron:** because I'm right here  
**Hermione:** O.o aren't you supposed to be stunned?  
**Ron:** I dunno I woke around midnight and walked back up to the common room.  
**Hermione:** I wonder who resuscitated you...  
**Ron:** no clue  
**Snape:** :-{  
**Ginny and Hermione:** professor?  
**Ron:** snivellus  
**Snape:** detention Weasley  
**Ron:** yes sir  
**Snape:** where is Potter, Granger?  
**Hermione:** I don't know sir  
**Snape:** Ms. Weasley?  
**Ginny:** I don't know sir  
**Snape:** :-{ Mr. Weasley?  
**Ron:** going to look for him right now sir.  
**Snape:** tell him to report to my office when you find him  
**Ron:** yes sir  
**Snape:** :-{  
**  
****A few hours previously**  
**Draco:** so Potter  
**Harry:** yes my lord?  
**Draco:** I have finally come up with your job for today  
**Harry:** what is it my lord  
**Draco:** throughout the entire day you will do cartwheels.  
**Harry:** and if I am not doing cartwheels my lord?  
**Draco:** then you will become a mute  
**Harry:** yes sir!  
**Draco:** begin

**Ron:** Harry what are you doing?  
**Harry:** cartwheels!  
**Ron:** why?  
**Harry:** because the little voice inside my head told me too while I slept  
**Ron:** Harry can you stop doing cartwheels for a minute you're giving me a headache  
**Harry:** OK (stops)  
**Ron:** Harry do you know the name of the little voice inside your head?  
**Harry:**  
**Ron:** Harry? What's wrong?  
**Ron:** Harry Snivellus wants you in his office  
**Harry:****  
****Ron:** Harry you're creeping me out  
**Harry:****  
****Ron:** what's going on Harry why can't you speak?  
**Draco:** :-P  
**Ron:** Malfoy what did you do now!?  
**Draco:** the catch: Harry can only speak while he is doing cartwheels  
**Ron:** I swear to god Malfoy I'm gonna...  
**Draco: **what? Punch me through the phone? Good luck with that**  
****Draco:** OW!  
**Draco:** how did you even?  
**Ron:** magic, the answer to everything around here  
**Draco:** how did you do it?  
**Ron:** reverse the curse on Harry and I will tell you  
**Draco:** never!  
**Draco:** OW!  
**Ron:** more of that to come little ferret but for now I need to find Hermione.  
**Draco:** :-P  
**Harry:**  
**Draco:** commence your cartwheels Potter.  
**Harry:** I CAN SING THE SQUIRREL SALSA  
**Draco:** NO JUST KEEP DOING YOUR CARTWHEELS  
**Harry:** :'-( ok

**Ron:** Hermione where are you  
**Hermione:** right here Ronald  
**Ron:** oh  
**Hermione:** have you found Harry yet?  
**Ron:** he's doing cartwheels around the lake  
**Hermione:** phase 4?  
**Ron:** yup  
**Ron:** he must do cartwheels if he is stopped then he will become mute  
**Hermione:** that's interesting  
**Ron:** I punched Malfoy through the phone  
**Hermione:** how did you manage that?  
**Ron:** magic  
**Hermione:** wow I'm impressed  
**Ron:** always the tone of surprise  
**Suddenly it starts pouring**  
**Harry (now inside the castle):** CARTWHEELING IS FUN  
**Harry:** I am now going to try to cartwheel up the stairs!  
**Harry:**ow ow ow ow OW OW OW!  
**Ginny:** Harry how can you be cart wheeling up the stairs and texting at the same time?  
**Harry:** I (crash)  
**Harry:** DON'T (crash)  
**Harry:** KNOW (crash)  
**Harry:** BUT IT HURTS (crash)  
**Harry:** A LOT(crash)  
**Ginny:** ugh I give up on this, I just hope this stops before...  
**Snape:** POTTER  
**Ginny:** spoke too soon  
**Snape:** POTTER I SENT THE MESSAGE THAT I WANTED YOU IN MY OFFICE ASAP 4HOURS AGO  
**Ginny:** I'm gonna go now...  
**Harry:** OOPS I FORGOT  
**Snape:** POTTER GET BACK HERE  
**Harry:** YES?  
**Snape:** STOP CARTWHEELING  
**Harry:** ok  
**Snape:** now Potter first off 50 points from Gryffindor for not following orders  
**Harry:**  
**Snape:** and second, I expect you to answer me when I tell you something  
**Harry:**  
**Snape:** POTTER WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!  
**Harry:**  
**Snape:** :-{ ANOTHER 50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR  
**Harry:**  
**Snape:** POTTER!  
**Harry:**  
**Snape:** unfortunately there is a limit of how many points I can take from a single student each day and I have already reached that  
**Harry:****  
****Snape:** I GIVE UP! :-{  
**Harry:**

**Ginny:** where's Harry?  
**Hermione:** still doing cartwheels around the castle  
**Ginny:** really?  
**Ron:** yeah the teachers gave up trying to discipline him  
**Ginny:** wow I wonder how many house points we lost  
**Hermione:** I don't even wanna think about it  
**Ron:** yeah  
**Ginny:** right, well good night hopefully this will be done soon  
**Hermione:** we've been hoping for that since it started  
**Ron:** I've almost given up  
**Draco:** Wooooow you guys give up easily  
**Ron, Ginny and Hermione**: SHUT UP FERRET  
**Draco:** :-(  
**Harry:** I LOVE CARTWHEELS!

**Uhhhhh I don't really know what happened there but more importantly I am running out of ideas for phases of the curse so it may end soon if****  
****I can't think of something or nothing is suggested. However I do have a few ideas of revenge on Malfoy after the curse ends... So keep readying people I am going for 500 views so please tell your potterhead friends about this!****  
****THANKS!**

**daughterofathena**


	6. Chapter 6 Harry becomes a parrot?

**HPTM6: Harry becomes a parrot?**  
**Ron:** AGH HERMIONE WHAT DID U DO?  
**Hermione:** I bonded Harry to you so he couldn't be a victim of Malfoy's curse.  
**Ron:** all of the spells you have put on Harry haven't worked.  
**Hermione:** thank you captain obvious now what's your point?  
**Ron:** how do you know this one will? **Hermione: **I don't but it's the best plan I've got  
**Harry wakes up**  
**Harry:** ugh why can't I get away from this blood traitor?  
**Draco (hiding out somewhere in the castle):** Potter begin now  
**Harry:** now  
**Hermione:** what?  
**Harry:** what?  
**Ron:** Harry what are you doing  
**Harry:** doing  
**Hermione:** phase 5  
**Harry:** 5  
**Ron:** yup  
**Harry:** yup  
**Ron:** I have a feeling that this is going to be a very interesting day  
**Harry:** day

**Snape:** now class  
**Harry:** class  
**Ron:** shut up  
**Harry:** up  
**Snape:** Potter is there anything you would like to share with the class  
**Harry:** class  
**Ron:** no sir  
**Harry:** sir  
**Snape:** good choice  
**Harry:** choice  
**Snape:** put the phones away  
**Harry:** away  
**Ron:** bloody hell  
**Harry:** hell  
**Snape:** POTTER  
**Harry:** POTTER  
**Snape:** 20 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR  
**Harry:** GRYFFINDOR  
**Snape:** :-{  
**Harry: **:-{  
**Snape:** THAT'S MY SIGNATURE  
**Harry:** SIGNATURE  
**Ron:** Harry please stop texting!  
**Harry:** texting!  
**Ron:** stop  
**Harry:** stop  
**Ron:** stop  
**Harry:** stop  
**Snape:** ENOUGH  
**Harry:** ENOUGH  
**Snape:** :-{ Ron and Harry seperate!  
**Harry:** separate  
**Ron:** uhh sir we can't  
**Harry:** can't  
**Snape:** and why not?  
**Harry:** not  
**Ron:** we got bound together with a body bind curse  
**Harry:** curse  
**Snape:** the two of you are impossible!  
**Harry:** impossible!  
**Snape:** :-{ the two of you leave now  
**Harry:** now  
**Ron:** yes sir  
**Harry:** sir  
**Ron:** come on Harry  
**Harry:** Harry

**Hermione:** how is your day going?  
**Harry:** going  
**Ron:** we just got kicked out of potions.  
**Harry:** potions  
**Hermione:** what happened?  
**Harry:** happened  
**Ron:** snivellus thought that Harry was making fun of him by repeating the last word he said.  
**Harry:** said  
**Hermione:** that can't be all, what else happened?  
**Harry:** happened  
**Ron:** snape tried to separate us but your body bind curse made that kind of impossible  
**Harry:** impossible  
**Hermione:** I'm sorry!  
**Harry:** sorry  
**Ron:** it doesn't matter  
**Harry:** matter  
**Ginny:** hey guys I think I figured something out  
**Harry:** out  
**Hermione:** what? **Ron:** what?  
**Harry:** what  
**Ginny:** the phases change overnight so what if Harry is getting messages from Malfoy in his sleep!  
**Harry:** sleep  
**Hermione:** Ginny that's brilliant!  
**Harry:** brilliant  
**Ron:** great so what do we do now?  
**Harry:** now  
**Hermione:** monitor Harrys dream tonight in order to see what's phase... Oh god what number are we on now?  
**Harry:** now  
**Ginny:** phase 5?  
**Harry:** 5  
**Ron:** I'm confused so just tell me what to do  
**Harry:** do  
**Hermione:** just make sure Harry gets to sleep by 9 o'clock tonight, Ginny and I will do the rest.  
**Harry:** rest  
**Ron:** got it  
**Harry:** it

**And we're done here for now! I really have nothing further to add at the moment so thanks for reading!****  
****-daughterofathena**


	7. Chapter 7

**HPTM7: the end**  
**Ron:** Harry's asleep  
**Hermione:** what took you so long Ronald?  
**Ron:** here let me send u a screenshot of the texts:  
**Hermione:** ok?  
**PICTURE MESSAGE**  
**Hermione:** what do I do?  
**Ron:** you click the little download button  
**Hermione:** ahh I see!  
**DOWNLOADED PICTURE**  
**Ron:** Harry go to sleep  
**Harry:** sleep  
**Ron:** now  
**Harry:** now  
**Ron:** stop repeating everything I say!  
**Harry:** say  
**Ron:** this is getting old  
**Harry:** old  
**Ron:** come on man!  
**Harry:** man  
**Ron:** sleep  
**Harry:** sleep  
**Ron:** now  
**Harry:** now  
**Ron:** zzzzzzzzzzzzz  
**Harry:** zzzzzzzzzzzzz  
**END PICTURE MESSAGE****  
****Ron:** there  
**Hermione:** wow  
**Ron:** what?  
**Hermione:** if you read the last six things Harry says, it reads " say old man sleep now zzzzzzzzzzzz"  
**Ron:** so?  
**Hermione:** I don't know I thought it was funny  
**Ron:** Hermione we need to start before Harry gets his next orders  
**Hermione:** right, GINNY!  
**Ginny:** time?  
**Hermione:** let's do it  
**5 MINUTES LATER**  
**Ron:** now what?  
**Hermione:** now we sit and watch Harry's dream  
**Ginny:** shhhh look  
**  
****Draco:** Harry Potter  
**Harry:** what are my orders for tomorrow sir?  
**Draco:** well this is kinda awkward so I will just show you  
**Harry:** ok?  
**VIDEO MESSAGE****  
****Draco:** I want you to come to my dormitory and kiss me because I love you.  
**Ginny**: Gross! **Hermione:** EWWWWW  
**Ron: **run mate! **Harry:** GROSS I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND  
**Draco:** forget about her all you need is me.  
**Harry:** that's just. . . No I won't do it  
**Draco:** yes you will  
**Harry: **no I won't  
**Ginny: **get away from my boyfriend ferret  
**Draco: **STUPEFY  
**Harry: **PROTEGO  
**Harry: **stay away from me and my friends.  
**Draco:** or what?  
**Draco:** Gasp! Man that hurts!  
**Ginny:** what did you do?  
**Harry:** kicked him in the balls  
**Ginny:** through the phone in a dream?  
**Harry:** it's magic babe.  
**Ginny:** right :-)  
**Harry:** :-)  
**Hermione:** ok creepy fest over, you won't believe what I discovered!  
**Harry:** what?  
**Hermione:** its clld txt tlk it was invntd by the great wizard Merlin!  
**Ginny:** how does it work?  
**Hermione:** wll u prtty mch tke all the vwls u cn spre out of a wrd lyk Im doin  
**Ron:** Hermione are you ok? You're talking funny.  
**Hermione:** it's called text talk Ronald and we should all use it.  
**Ron:** how does it work?  
**Ginny:** ugh u r wy 2 slw, tke out all the vwls of wrds tht u dont need.  
**Ron:** AHHH THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS THE AUTOCORRECT PLAGUE!  
**Harry:** cmn Ron its nt tht bd once u gt the hng of it!  
**Ron:** AHHH HARRY'S BEEN INFECTED TOO AHHHH!  
**Hermione:** Ronald go eat breakfast  
**Ron:** fine but you guys better be cured when I get back.  
**Hermione:** ok bak 2 the lesson on txt tlk  
**Harry:** right  
**Hermione:** wll thre r a lot of acronyms u cn use  
**Ginny:** lyk?  
**Hermione:** wll thre is lol 4 laugh out loud, omg 4 oh my god  
**Harry:** lol omg got it go on  
**Hermione:** ttyl 4 tlk 2 u l8r, gtg 4 got 2 go  
**Ginny:** cool  
**Hermione: **oh yea 4 som reasn ppl say kool instead of cool, I guess its jst fstr 2 typ  
**Harry:** weird bt kool :-)  
**Ginny: **nythn else?  
**Hermione:** thts all ive lernd so fr.  
**Harry:** kool lets go down 2 brekfst  
**Ginny:** yea  
**Hermione:** kk  
**Harry:** oh yea guess wat guys!  
**Hermione:** wat?  
**Ginny:** wat?  
**Harry:** I lernd somthn bout Malfoy the other day  
**Hermione:** wat is it?  
**Harry:** he 3 the spice girls  
**Ginny:** LOL  
**Hermione:** NO WAY WE SHULD SO USE THT AGAINST HIM!  
**Harry:** yup ;-P

**The curse is over and txt tlk has begun! I sort of incorporated To the TARDIS' idea of a Drarry kiss. I tried but if its not what u wanted im sorry! Plz right a review and tell me what u liked or didnt like!****  
****Thx 4 reading!****  
****- daughterofathena**


	8. Chapter 8

**HPTM8: Revenge  
Hermione:** Ginny look thrs Malfoy!  
**Ginny:** shll we?  
**Hermione:** lets!  
**Ginny:** HEY FERRET!  
Draco**: wat do u want blood traitor?****  
****Ron:** AHHH THE PLAGUE IS SPREADING!  
**Hermione:** Ronald go eat something.  
**Ron:** mmmmmmmm food!  
**Ginny:** nywy ferret Hermione and I just wantd 2 sing u ur fav song from ur fav band n the wrld!  
**Draco:** and wat is tht?  
**Hermione:** y its Wannabee by the Spice Girls of course!  
**Malfoy:** wow Granger for once u r mistaken!  
**Hermione:** o rlly?  
**Malfoy:** yes rlly.  
**Ginny:** if Hermione is mistaken thn y r the top 5 songs on ur most played list as follows?  
**PICTURE MESSAGE**  
**Hermione:** lets open this 4 every1 2 c shll we?  
**Draco:** no don't!  
**DOWNLOADING PICTURE**  
**Draco's top 25 most played****  
****1. Wannabee by The Spice Girls****  
****2. Barbie girl by Aqua****  
****3. Baby by Justin Bieber****  
****4. Nobody's Perfect by Hannah Montana****  
****5. I Want It All by the cast of High School Musical****  
****Draco:** STOP!  
**Harry:** twitchy lttle ferret rnt u Malfoy?  
**Draco:** STOP STOP STOP!  
**Ginny:** I think we shuld strt singin the #1 song on thre  
**Hermione:** I second that  
**Harry:** on my count, 3...2...1 GO!  
**Ginny:** YO ILL TELL U WAT I WNT WAT I RLLY RLLY WNT!  
**Hermione:** SO TELL ME WAT U WNT WAT U RLLY RLLY WNT!  
**Ginny:** ILL TELL U WAT I WNT WAT I RLLY RLLY WANT!  
**Hermione:** SO TELL ME WAT U WNT WAT U RLLY RLLY WNT!  
**Ginny:** I WANNA  
**Hermione:** I WANNA  
**Ginny:** I WANNA  
**Hermione:** I WANNA  
**Hermione and Ginny:** I WANNA RLLY RLLY RLLY WANNA ZIGAZIG HA!  
**Hermione:** IF U WNT MY FUTRE 4GET MY PAST!  
**Ginny:** IF U WANNA GET W/ ME BETTER MAKE IT FAST  
**Hermione:** NOW DONT GO WASTIN MY PRECIOUS TIME!  
**Ginny: **GET UR ACT TOGETHER WE CULD B JUST FINE!  
**Ginny:** ILL TELL U WAT I WNT WAT I RLLY RLLY WANT!  
**Hermione:** SO TELL ME WAT U WNT WAT U RLLY RLLY WNT!  
**Ginny:** I WANNA  
**Hermione:** I WANNA  
**Ginny:** I WANNA  
**Hermione:** I WANNA  
**Hermione and Ginny:** I WANNA RLLY RLLY RLLY WANNA ZIGAZIG HA!  
IF U WANNA B MY LOVER, U GOTTA GET WITH ME FRIENDS, MAKE IT LAST FOREVER!  
**Slughorn (rather drunk):** FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDS! IF U WANNA B MY LOVER U HAV GOT 2 GIV, TAKIN IS 2 EZ BUT THTS THE WAY IT IS!  
**Hermione:** uhhh profe...  
**Slughorn:** I LUV THIS SONG! WHEN I BECOME HEADMASTER IM GONNA TEACH IT TO ALL THE STAFF AND STUDENTS AND WE WILL SING IT ALL THE TIME!  
**Malfoy:** NO NO NO STOP :'-(  
**Snape:** :-{ the day u rule this skool slughorn is the day I use shampoo!  
**Harry:** I think its time to go...  
**Ginny:** right behind u...  
**Hermione:** ill race u thre...  
**Draco:** just wait till my father hears about this Potter  
**Harry:** hav fun with tht Malfoy **  
****Ok first off let me apologise if I offended anybody with the song list that was not my intention. Anyway I rather like having a drunk slughorn around so there will be more of that. But for now peace out!****  
****- daughterofathena**


	9. Chapter 9 Vouldy Mouldy

**HPTM 9****: Voldy Moldy**  
**Draco: **Father  
**Lucius:** what is it Draco?  
**Draco:** y rnt u answering my texts and fone calls?  
**Lucius:** because I am a very busy man  
**Draco:** doing what?  
**Lucius:** never you mind, now what do you want?  
**Draco:** Potter and his friends are bullying me!  
**Lucius:** Draco you are almost 18 years old can't you take care of you're own problems?  
**Draco:** but but but Daddy they r hurting my feelings!  
**Lucius:** (sigh) how?  
**Draco:** by making fun of the music tht I listen 2!  
**Lucius:** you mean that Spice Girls and Justin Bieber crap you seem to love?  
**Draco:** yes! Make them stop!  
**Lucius:** I'm sorry son but I have better things to do than defending you're embarrassing choices in music  
**Draco:** but Father!  
**Lucius:** goodbye Draco  
**Draco:** :'-(  
**  
****Harry:** so Draco wat did ur daddy say?  
**Draco:** never u mind potter I wll get revenge.  
**Harry: **sure u will  
**Tom Riddle:** why hello there  
**Ron:** who the bloody hell are you?  
**Hermione:** U don't even go here!  
**Tom Riddle:** what do you mean "who am I" you idiot I am Lord Voldemort!  
**Ron:** no you are a Tom Riddle who doesn't go to Hogwarts  
**Tom Riddle:** what are you talking about?!  
**Hermione:** ur screen name s Tom Riddle.**  
****Ron: **I HATE TEXT TALK!  
**Tom Riddle:** what?  
**Hermione:** ignor him  
**Tom Riddle:** alright than I will be back  
**Hermione:** ok  
**TOM RIDDLE HAS EXITED THE CHAT**  
**Hermione:** nw Ronald u hav 2 get used 2 txt tlk  
**Ron:** NEVER  
**Hermione:** YES  
**Ron:** NO  
**Hermione:** YES  
**Ron:** NO  
**VOLDY MOLDY HAS ENTERED THE CHAT**  
**Voldy Moldy:** I'm baaaaack  
**Ron:** who's Voldy Moldy?  
**Voldy Moldy:** what are you talking about?  
**Hermione:** you're name is now Vouldy Mouldy.  
**Voldy Moldy:** damn this contraption! Who invented it anyway?  
**Hermione:** well Alexander Graham Bell invntd the telefone wich is lyk the cell fones parent.  
**Voldy Moldy:** I will go back in time and murder this "Bell"  
**Hermione:** how will you go back in time? We destroyd all the time turners almost 3 yrs ago  
**Voldy Moldy:** I will steel Merlin's Tardis I hear he has a rather nice one  
**Hermione:** fine but be careful, the last ppl who tried to steal Merlin's Tardis ended up being turned into ferrets.  
**Voldy Moldy:** no worries. Goodbye

**Well I just referenced one of the last chapters of Merlin Text Messages if u didnt get that, and people don't rlly seem to be afraid of Voldy, I guess it's hard to be intimidated by a guy who can't figure out simple functions on a cell phone. Anyway adding Voldemort and the weird name was an idea supplied by Larissa 676! I hope everybody liked this chapter!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A lot of Merlin Characters come out to play in this next chapter! Also a little something I like to call the autocorrect plague. **

**HPTM 10**

**Merlin: **WHAT R U DOING WITH MY TARDIS?!

**Voldy Moldy:** damn so close!

**Arthur:** what kind of name is Voldy Moldy?

**Voldemort:** a kind of name that this stupid contraption gave me

**Gwaine: **and y dont u hav a nose?

**Merlin: **OH MY GOD GWAINE U CANT JUST ASK Y SOMEONE DOESN'T HAVE A NOSE!

**Gwaine: **Hey it was on my mind!

**Voldy Moldy: **Oh im getting tired of this! AVADA KADA…..

**Merlin:** Oh no u dont! (Splashes potion on Voldy Moldy)

**Voldy Moldy: **kwahfeulesrhglusekrhgn ladighatrhgpagrlhafg

**Merlin: **and thats y other wizards shuldnt mess with me.

**Arthur:** uhh how did u do that through the phone?

**Merlin:** Magic

**Arthur:** right, well Merlin I don't fancy being turned into a ferret again so….

**Merlin: **No worries I only do this to people who try and steal my Tardis.

**Gwaine: **HE STILL DOESNT HAV A NOSE

**Merlin: **Or hair for that matter, that is rlly gross.

**Arthur: ** so where r u going to keep this ferret Merlin?

**Merlin: ** oh I will just send him home as a warning to his friends.

**Arthur: **OK cmon Gwaine its time for training.

**Gwaine:** OK have fun Merlin….wait what happened to the ferret?

**Merlin: ** oh I sent him home

**Arthur: **now go polish my armor

**Merlin: **got it

**Meanwhile at Hogwarts**

**Hermione:** so just to clarify for r next revenge on Malfoy we r going to…..

**Ron:** WAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THT?

**Ginny:** Hey Ron ur using txt tlk!

**Ron:** only a little!

**Harry: ** and as to that my best guess is that it's a hairless ferret also missing its nose.

**Voldy Moldy:** DFJHGIAEUBVAIUVUHFGIUAEBVIUABVF

**Hermione: **dont say I didnt warn u

**Harry: **warn him against wat?

**Harry: **and who is he anyway?

**Hermione: **Voldemort and I warned him against trying to steal Merlins Tardis.

**Harry:** y wuld he want to even attempt something that stupid?

**Voldy Moldy: **IDUGHIEUVNISDUFVADIFUGHAIUEONVLADKFJV

**Hermione: ** he wanted to go bak in time to kill Alexander Graham Bell for inventing the telephone.

**Harry: **Classy, stupid, but classy.

**Voldy Moldy: **agjnerjgvnakfjng

**Hermione: ** so shuld we try and turn him bak?

**Harry: **No way! I vote we leave him like this for a while

**Ginny: ** I second tht.

**Hermione: **but y?

**Harry: **because he is one of the most powerful dark wizards of all time!

**Hermione:** right srry, anyway shall we activate stage two of revenge?

**Voldy Moldy: **ejgnernviuvusebvdfvbtthnin!

**Harry: **yes

**Hermione: **done.

**Harry: **So Malfoy

**Malfoy: **whales pinger.

**Malfoy:** whales it google on weather maps Pandora?

**Ron:** I am so taking screenshots of this!

**Hermione: **good

**Professor Trelawny: **ahh just as I foretold! The autocorrect has come with its first victim being Mr. Malfoy!

**Malfoy: **herpes moon!

**Professor Trelawny: **sorry but I must do some stargazing at the moment! Good bye!

**Malfoy:** butterfly I noodle yahoo hulu!

**Harry: ** Hey tht rhymed! Keep going Malfoy!

**Malfoy: ** macys facebook walmart hertz abortion target

**Hermione:** im terribly sorry Malfoy but I cant understand a word u r saying!

**Malfoy: ***my facebook webkinz hello annotation twinkle!

**Ron: **whats a "webkinz"

**Ginny:** I will spare u the nightmares.

**Malfoy: **** M-Y F-A-T-H-E-R W-I-L-L H-E-A-R A-B-O-U-T T-H-I-S

**Harry: **have fun with that Malfoy

**Yup. That was fun to write, I had to crank that out so I could get it in before Carlyle uploads her next chapter on Tumblr cuz someone was harassing her about her story on fanfiction. Anyway Malfoy was r first victim today with more to come, if u hav any idea on who future victims shuld be or anything else u wish to say there is a review box below for that very purpose!**


	11. Chapter 11

**HPTM11**

**I know I know its been forever since I last uploaded but I have been so stressed with projects and now finals, but I knew I had to get this up so I don't lose all my viewers! Anyway im proud of this chapter and have finally completed my goal of bringing Fred and George into the mix… hope you like it!**  
**Dumbledore:** students I have a few announcements to make.  
**Harry:** wats up professor?  
**Dumbledore:** as of now text talk is banned at Hogwarts because none of the teachers nor students can understand each other half the time  
**Filch:** punishment what is the punishment for using text talk?!  
**Dumbledore:** I was getting to that Filch.  
**Filch:** sorry professor.  
**Dumbledore:** right anyway you are still allowed to use faces but no shortening words and removing the vowels because it is just annoying.  
**Ron:** want to bet he is only keeping faces because of Snapes weird obsession with moustaches.  
**Hermione:** I wouldn't bet against you.  
**Harry:** me neither  
**Dumbledore:** the penalty for using text talk is 5 points per word. That is all students go to your lessons.  
**Fred:** that's all?  
**George:** that's really all?  
**Dumbledore:** yes Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley  
**Ron:** when did you two get cellphones anyway?  
**Fred:** oh dear brother  
**George:** we've had them as long as you have  
**Fred:** possibly longer  
**George:** we just haven't felt the need to contribute to everybody's conversation  
**Fred:** until now  
**George:** right up until now  
**Hermione:** so you read about the curse on Harry, Ron complaining about text talk and revenge on Malfoy.  
**Fred:** yeah, where is the little weasel anyway?  
**Malfoy:** soup under yahoo fumble lice moosejow  
**George:** ahh good the autocorrect is still plaguing him  
**Fred:** you know Malfoy there is a way to turn it off.  
**Draco:** hippo!  
**George:** I don't know  
**Fred:** me neither  
**Draco:** :-(  
**Snape:** get to class now!  
**Draco:** powerball Harlem shake meatball deficiency  
**Snape:** not now Draco  
**Draco:** butterfly baseball bank  
**Harry:** having fun there Draco?  
**Draco:** I am now Potter that I have found out how to turn it off  
**Hermione:** darn it!  
**Draco:** see you later suckers!  
**Ron:** alright what's next in the revenge plan?  
**Fred:** we have one of our own  
**George:** yes we do  
**Ron:** what is it?  
**Fred:** never you mind  
**George:** now off you go  
**Fred:** before you get into trouble  
**George:** run along now  
**Hermione:** all right then

**Hermione:** I wonder what they were planning  
**Harry:** who knows? It could be something against the slytherins  
**Ron:** maybe they learned how to turn peoples autocorrect on and they are going to start with a teacher nobody likes  
**Harry:** I doubt that  
**Hermione:** yeah  
**Snape:** goodwill mortgage stubhub  
**Hermione:** excuse me professor?  
**Harry:** I'm sorry sir but I don't understand you  
**Snape:** Somalia turbotax Ophir map quest autism corvette  
**Harry:** well wrong it seems you were right  
**Hermione:** yeah who knew  
**Ron:** no need to sound so surprised  
**Snape:** weather Instagram behead testimonial?  
**Harry:** I have no idea professor  
**Snape:** PLATYPUS  
**Ron:** his name isn't Perry  
**Hermione:** what?  
**Ron:** you know Perry the Platypus  
**Hermione:** ...  
**Ron:** from Phineas and Ferb  
**Hermione:** ... What on earth are you talking about?  
**Harry:** dude that's a muggle show in TV how did you find out about that?  
**Ron:** this kid came up to me in a muggle shop and started talking about it because apparently my hair is the same color as phineas's from the show and he said his favourite character is perry the platypus  
**Hermione:** so?  
**Ron:** so I thought that it was some big muggle thing that everyone knew about  
**Harry:** no Ron it's a tv show that Dudley loves on Disney channel.  
**Ron:** oh... My bad  
**Snape:** waffles yoga kayak shutterstock?  
**Fred:** this is too good  
**George:** yeah... What is shutterstock anyway?  
**Fred:** no idea...Hermione?  
**Hermione:** for once I don't know I'll go to the library after class  
**Snape:** Fried! Geico! Walmart dictionary young dominos?  
**Fred:** excuse me sit but my name is Fred not "fried"  
**George:** and I prefer the name "George" if you don't mind sir  
**Snape:** :-{ google target twitter hotmail overstock Netflix!  
**Fred:** I'm sorry sir but I can't understand you  
**Snape:** :-{  
**Snape:** * GO  
**Snape:** *TO  
**Snape:** *THE  
**Snape:** *HEADMASTERS  
**Snape:** *OFFICE  
**Snape:** *NOW  
**George:** yes sir!  
**Fred:** we're off to see the wizard!  
**George:** the wonderful wizard of Hogwarts!

**Mischief Managed. Well sort of. Text talk is gone because a few people have told me that it is annoying. If you have any ideas for chapters or critics on this one please do not hesitate to tell me, or you can just review and say whatever. Stay awesome!**

**-daughterofathena2**


	12. Chapter 12

**HPTM 12**

**Hello there! Well I am semi happy with this chapter and I hope everybody likes it!****  
****Fred:** hello sir  
**George:** jolly good day isn't it?  
**Dumbledore:** can't the two of you stay out of trouble for one day?! I was in the middle of reliving my childhood before it got all messed up and sad!  
**Fred:** can we go then?  
**Dumbledore:** now that depends on which teacher sent you here and why.  
**George:** Professor Snape sir  
**Dumbledore:** and why?  
**Fred:** well it would be easier to explain why he's mad if we showed you  
**Dumbledore:** alright we are doing this over the cellular phone though  
**George:** even better sir  
**Dumbledore:** Severus please enter this conversation  
**SNAPE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT**  
**Snape: **Dumbarton thesaurus turmeric omegle translate autozone corvette fedbizzops  
**Dumbledore:** Severus I banned text talk I thought you knew that!  
**Fred:** uh sir  
**Dumbledore:** what Mr. Weasley?  
**Fred: **that's not text talk  
**Dumbledore:** then what is it?  
**George:** it's called auto correct sir.  
**Dumbledore:** I have never heard of it before.  
**Fred:** well sir it's relatively new, it's this feature on your phone that changes all the words you type into something else usually way off.  
**Dumbledore:** really?  
**George:** yes sir it's like spell-check on steroids  
**Dumbledore:** well Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley you may go  
**George:** really?  
**Fred:** really really?  
**Dumbledore:** back to your lessons now  
**Fred:** yes sir!  
**George:** we will go straight there!  
**Dumbledore:** no you won't but have fun!  
**Snape:** buffalo sitcom!  
**Dumbledore:** now now Severus there is no rule against turning someone's autocorrect on.  
**Snape:** western thermos shutterfly bingo  
**Dumbledore:** Bingo! Now there's another song we should teach the students!  
**Snape:** NOODLES!  
**Dumbledore:** too late it is on the agenda for tomorrow! Now get back to teaching or doing whatever it is I'm paying you for  
**Snape:** :-{

**Harry:** wonder when snivellus is going to get back to reality  
**Ron:** I don't know, he has been staring at his phone dumbfounded for ten minutes now.  
**Hermione:** it's a little creepy, I'm going to see what's wrong.  
**Harry:** wait I want to take advantage of this once in a lifetime chance  
**Ron:** by doing?  
**Hermione:** Harry!  
**Ron:** you're kidding right? All you did was throw a paper airplane at him  
**Harry:** true but I have wanted to do that ever since our first potions lesson.  
**Hermione:** are you satisfied now?  
**Harry:** ummm...yup I'm good  
**Hermione:** good, I will be right back  
**HERMIONE HAS EXITED THE CHAT******

**HERMIONE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT**  
**Hermione:** Professor are you alright?  
**Snape:**  
**Hermione:** professor?  
**Snape:**  
**Hermione:** should I get Madam Pomfrey professor?  
**Snape:** noodles  
**Hermione:** Professor?  
**Snape:** N-O  
**Hermione:** Is there anything I can do for you professor?  
**Snape:** L-E-A-V-E  
**Hermione:** yes sir  
**HERMIONE HAS EXITED THE CHAT**

**HERMIONE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT**  
**Ron:** well?  
**Hermione:** I got a no and then a leave  
**Harry:** wait he is writing on the board  
**Ron:** what I can't read it because everyone is in my way  
**Hermione:** he said that he won't teach if he is not respected and that we should all leave now and not come back until further notice.  
**Harry:** cool  
**Ron:** let's go  
**Hermione:** but what if he never teaches again? We won't be able to pass our exams without a teacher!  
**Harry:** Hermione calm down I am sure that this is just a passing phase  
**Ron:** yeah come on we have a lot of homework to do  
**Hermione:** you mean you have a lot homework that you need help on because you never listen during class  
**Ron:** right so let's go  
**Harry:** I'm right behind you, that paper airplane I threw had my name on it, odds are that it will be the first thing he finds once he gets out of his little trance  
**Hermione:** HARRY!  
**Harry:** let's go Hermione!

**Well, I am finally out of school so I can upload more quickly, as long as I can keep coming up with ideas, that is, which I am running out of so if you have any at all the review box is just below! Also I welcome any and all criticism on my work so you can also use the review box for that purpose and lastly for telling me what you liked. Keep checking your emails to get updated on new chapters! If there is any delay or if I have to stop uploading I will post it on my profile. That's all thank you for reading!**


	13. Chapter 13

**HPTM 13**  
**Dumbledore:** attention students I have another song for you to learn so please pick up your quills and write this down as I send it to you.  
**Hermione:** sir what is the title of this song?  
**Dumbledore:** Bingo!  
**Harry:** but that song is for little kids  
**Dumbledore:** Harry I beg you not to make fun of this song, I do not want you to hurt Professor Snapes feelings as he gave me the idea  
**Harry:** what?! Snape gave you this idea? Why?  
**Dumbledore:** professor snape and yes  
**Snape:** it was the autocorrect function sir not actually me!  
**Dumbledore:** oh well too late now, is everybody paying attention?  
**Percy:** all of the Gryffindors are ready sir.  
**Penelope:** as are the Ravenclaws  
**Cedric:** and the Hufflepuffs  
**Montague:**...  
**Snape:** montague are the slytherins ready?  
**Montague:** yes sir we just think that this is stupid  
**Dumbledore:** wow for once everything is in order  
**Snape:** yes it seems so  
**Dumbledore:** well here are the lyrics to the song as follows-  
There was a farmer who had a dog  
And bingo was his name-o!  
B-I-N-G-O  
B-I-N-G-O  
B-I-N-G-O  
And Bingo was his name-o!  
**Dumbledore:** now does everyone have that?  
**Percy:** Gryffindors are good sir  
**Cedric:** as are the Hufflepuffs  
**Penelope:** and the Ravenclaws  
**Montague:** and the Slytherins  
**Dumbledore:** good now there are a few more verses that are pretty much the same things except for the part where you spell out Bingo  
**Percy:** what changes sir?  
**Dumbledore:** you erase the 'B' and replace it with a clap, that's for the second verse. For the third you erase the "I" and add a clap so it is clap-clap-N-G-O and so on  
**Percy:** so for the fourth verse you erase the 'N' and replace it with a clap  
**Penelope:** for the fifth you switch out the 'G'  
**Cedric:** and for the sixth we say goodbye to the 'O' and hello to another clap  
**Dumbledore:** correct, and then the song ends  
**Montague:** joy.  
**Dumbledore:** wait. I'm sensing a disturbance in the force  
**Harry:** what kind of disturbance sir?  
**Dumbledore:** death eaters  
**Ron:** O.o Hermione where is Voldy the ferret?  
**Hermione:** Hagrids pumpkin patch  
**Harry:** I think we should make sure he's still there  
**Dumbledore:** have fun!

**Lucius: **this is stupid

**Bellatrix:** I know My Lord is here somewhere, I can feel it

**Lucius:** Bellatrix! Dumbledore could be upon us any moment!

**Bellatrix:** are you really afraid of that old fool muggle-lover?

**Lucius: **Bellatrix even the Dark Lord is afraid of him!

**Bellatrix: **I will try texting My Lord then.

**Lucius: ** do it in a separate chat

**Bellatrix: **no duh!

**Bellatrix: **My Lord are you there?

**Voldy Moldy: **s;elhgrijnviurwhfpiurnferuhpearingf

**Bellatrix: **My Lord?

**Voldy Moldy: **awjrgfawiurfvsdifajhgeraiunvsdjfg

**Bellatrix: **AUGHHHHHHH! IT'S A FERRET I HATE FERRETS!

**Voldy Moldy: **threugfqreuhfugtleafvprqgtee

**Bellatrix: **wait…..why does the ferret have a cell phone? And its bald, and has no nose…..My Lord is that you?!

**Voldy Moldy: **eirngahurhahgauierhgiergadufhgaurhgt

**Bellatrix: **wait I know a spell my lord, would you like me to use it?

**Voldy Moldy: **sfgherghauihgariuhbgoa!ugweiurgnsuaQ3?!

**Bellatrix: **I will take that as a yes

**Lucius:** Bellatrix hurry up people are coming!

**Bellatrix:** alright alright, bibbidy boppity boo!

**Voldy Moldy:** thank you Bella, you are my most loyal servant

**Bellatrix:** anything for you My Lord.

**Voldy Moldy:** come on let's get out of here, I have more things to plot.

**Hermione: **Oh Dear…..

**Harry:** this is bad

**Ron:** sorry I went to get food, what's up?

**Hermione:** honestly Ronald can't you last one hour without something to eat?

**Harry:** guys shut up! We have bigger problems considering Voldy has been transfigured back to his normal state!

**Hermione:** right sorry, shall we tell Professor Dumbledore

**Dumbledore:** I already know. There is no need to worry students, at least not yet.

**Hermione:** ok Professor.

**Dumbledore:** goodbye now!

**DUMBLEDORE HAS EXITED THE CHAT**

**Fred: **hey guys, guess what we just finished developing?

**Ron:** another sweet to get us out of class?

**Harry:** another way to play pranks on teachers?

**George:** no and no

**Hermione:** another way to get yourselves into detention?

**Fred:** possibly.

**Harry:** well what is it then?

**George:** our very own app!

**Fred:** well two actually

**Ron:** what's an app?

**Hermione:** it's something you can download onto your iphone. They can be anything from games to tools.

**Ron:** wow

**Harry:** what are the apps?

**Fred:** one is an online shopping thing for are products

**George:** and the other is a Marauders Map for your phone, it works exactly like the regular map.

**Harry:** that's awesome!

**Fred:** we have also made the availability for people to purchase these apps limited to only people in Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff, no Slytherin.

**Ron:** wicked!

**Harry:** nice

**Hermione:** well I have some studying to do so bye!

**HERMIONE HAS EXITED THE CHAT**

**Ron:** by the way, did you guys know that Snape figured out how to turn off the autocorrect function?

**Fred:** really?

**George:** well that's unfortunate

**Fred:** we will just have to find another target.

**George:** yeah

**Fred:** bye!

**George:** see you later!

**FRED AND GEORGE HAVE EXITED THE CHAT**

**Ron: **how come these things only tell us when people exit and not enter chats?

**Harry:** I don't know mate, but I have to go as well, bye!

**HARRY HAS EXITED THE CHAT**

**Ron: **I'm all alone now….

**Well that was interesting; I also think that this was one of my longest chapters yet!** **Well thank you so much for reading and please use that review box below!**


	14. Chapter 14

**HPTM chapter 14 **

_**As promised, drunken Slughorn is back!**_

**Slughorn: **Hello kiddies!

**Harry: **kiddies?

**Ron: **he looks drunk again

**Draco: **My father will hear about this

**Hermione: **nobody cares Malfoy.

**Draco: **oh yeah Granger?

**Hermione: **yeah

**Slughorn:** SHUT UP ITS SLUGGYS TIME TO SHINE!

**Hermione: **I think we should inform Professor Dumbledore.

**Dumbledore: **inform me of what Ms. Granger?

**Slughorn: **I swear to drunk, I am not god

**Dumbledore: **Professor how many drinks have u had?

**Slughorn: **about 5 or 6 of Rosmerta's finest firewhisky

**Dumbledore:** glasses?

**Slughorn: **….bottles…..

**Dumbledore: **dammit Slughorn you are lucky I need to keep you here at Hogwarts.

**Hermione: **errr sir, what should we do with him?

**Dumbledore: ** what exactly is he doing at the moment?

**Hermione: **dancing to Wannabe by the Spice Girls with Draco Malfoy.

**Dumbledore: **take a video of it, when Slughorn is sober we will show it to the entire school.

**Hermione: **Harry and Ron have been videotaping the entire lesson so we have that covered sir.

**Dumbledore: **what else is on there?

**Hermione: **well he spilled out a lot of secrets from his past and other teachers, nothing about you, but there is some stuff concerning Professors Snape and McGonagall. Would you like me to cut that out sir?

**Dumbledore: **no leave it. This is going to be fun!

**Hermione: **if you say so sir.

**Dumbledore: **students I want you to stop reading FML's and IFUNNY or playing games and watch the video I am sending to all of you including teachers

**Slughorn: **oh my…..

**Snape: **you said WHAT about me?

**McGonagall: **I have never done a thing like that in my entire life!

**Draco: **oh my god this is embarrassing

**Ginny: **you weren't even the one drunk

**Draco:** I was under the imperious curse!

**Hermione: **really? Who cast it? I ask because I know all about spells and no one had that amount of concentration on you, not even your so-called girlfriend.

**Pansy: **ex-girlfriend now. I'm sorry Draco but your father has no power, you have the most embarrassing choices in music I have ever seen, and you are more interested in getting revenge on Potter then in snogging me!

**Draco: **NO ONE BREAKS UP WITH ME! NOT RIGHT BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS!

**Pansy: **well I just did.

**Ron: **that reminds me, hey Lavender?

**Lavender:** yes won-won?

**Ron: **I broke up with you last year so stop calling me that horrific name and please stop stalking me!

**Lavender: **this relationship isn't over until I say it is! Nordstrom computer ovaries herpes angelica kickstarter maps

**Fred: **Finally! It took forever to tap into her phone!

**George: **it was surprisingly a lot harder then Professor Snapes was!

**Lavender: **white icicle goiter orioles William The Conqueror MySpace Photoshop

**George: **autocorrect dearie!

**Fred:** dude, wrong fandom

**George: **right, sorry.

**Fred: **anyway, it's time for us to go and …do stuff

**George: **right so

**Fred: **Mischief

**George: **Managed.

**Ron: **I'm back!

**Hermione: **what happened?

**Ron: **I told Lavender to stop stalking me and calling me that horrific name

**Harry: **Won-Won

**Ron: **yeah that.

**Hermione: **how did she react?

**Ron: **something about the relationship not being over until she said it was, thenFred and George turned her autocorrect on.

**Hermione: **hmmm they were hinting that that was going to happen sometime today.

**Harry: **well I guess it did happen

**Ron:** yeah

**Harry: **Hermione what time is it?

**Hermione: **time for you to get a watch

**Harry: **I had a watch but it stopped working after the second task of the Triwizard Tournament

**Hermione: **it's time for you to get a new watch then.

**Harry: **can't you just tell me what time it is

**Hermione: **no

**Ron: **it's cake time!

**Harry: **ok what time is cake time?

**Ron: **anytime!

**Harry: **not helping Ron.

**Ron: **sorry mate but I lost my watch

**Harry:** you would think that these phones could tell us the time but I don't see it.

**Ron: **This is weird.

**Ginny: **oh honestly it's 2 in the afternoon!

**Harry: **O.o Ron we are late for transfiguration!

**McGonagall: **precisely! Perhaps I should turn one of you into a pocket watch soyou can be on time.

**Ron: **that won't be necessary professor

**McGonagall: **pity... It would have been so much fun.

**Harry: **we are on our way Professor

**McGonagall: **meanwhile I will take away 1 point for every minute late. That's 30 points so far, hurry up.

**Ron: **yes ma'am

**Fred: **speaking of points being taken away

**George: **we have developed a new app

**Fred: **it's the point counter, it shows you how many points each house had

**George: **also who caused you're house to gain/lose points and why

**Fred: **wherever

**George: **whenever

**Fred: **isn't it great!

**George: **it's free too!

**Fred: **but it has a ton of annoying advertisements

**George: **which you can get rid of for just two galleons!

**Harry: **cool! I'm downloading it now!

**George: **see folks even Harry Potter, the famous boy who lived is purchasing it!

**Colin: **oooh if Harry is getting it I will too!

**Fred: **that's right kids jump onto the bandwagon!

**McGonagall: **Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley stop advertising its annoying!

**George: **right you are Professor

**Fred: **many advertisements are so annoying, especially when the people go door-door selling the product

**George: **that people buy the product just to get the advertisers to shut up.

**McGonagall:** 10 points from Gryffindor for being annoying advertisers then, now get to class now!

**Fred:** it is our free period professor

**McGonagall: **where are you then?

**George: **in the Gryffindor common room

**Colin:** no you're not! I know because I am in the common room and you guys haven't been in here at all in the past four hours!

**McGonagall:** well where the bloody hells are you guys?!

**Fred: **the quidditch pitch

**George:** the owlery

**George: **I mean the quidditch pitch

**Fred: **no the owlery

**McGonagall: **ugh, wherever you guys are, please note that another 50 points will be taken from each of you. Now please get back to the common room!

**Fred: **yes Professor

**George: **thanks a lot Colin

**Colin: **you are very welcome my friends!

_**As usual the twins are up to something, Colin doesn't seem to be helping matters very much. Also Lavender is a crazy stalker now with autocorrect. Well that was fun to write, it also took a long time but now it is uploaded and I am thinking of plots for chapter 15, which may be very special and also might be published on my birthday (July 14**__**th**__**) which is my 15**__**th**__** birthday. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and please use the review box and keep your eyes open for the next one.**_

_**-daughterofathena2**_


	15. Chapter 15: MY SPECIAL LONG BDAY CHAPTER

**HPTM 15 here you go! An extra long chapter for you! also as promised, this chapter is being published on my 15****th**** birthday! Hope you guys liked the chapter!**

**Harry:** Hermione? Can you help me with McGonagall's homework please?

**Hermione: **Harry! It's really not that hard!

**Harry: **PLEASE! I have quidditch practice in five minutes!

**Hermione:** honestly Harry! We have had this homework assignment for almost two weeks!

**Harry:** I've been busy…..

**Hermione: **doing what exactly?

**Harry: **….stuff…..

**Hermione: **Harry "stuff" is not a very good excuse

**Harry: **two minutes Hermione!

**Hermione: **forget it Harry

**Harry: **PLEASE!

**Hermione: **NO!

**Harry: **ugh

**Dobby: **Dobby can help Harry Potter sir.

**Harry: **Dobby! When did you get a cell phone?

**Dobby: **just this morning sir! Dobby saved up enough money sir, with the wages Dobby gets sir, from Professor Dumbledore sir!

**Hermione: **that's great Dobby! But Harry is now late for Quidditch practice so maybe you can talk to him later.

**Harry: **actually I am at quidditch practice, in the air, running drills with the rest of the team!

**Cormac: **a _good_ captain would not be on the phone during practice

**Ginny: **shut it Mclaggen! Harry I had our new chasers unleash the bludgers so that Fred and George can practice.

**Harry: **when was that? Oh and what are the chasers names?

**Ginny:** that was about five minutes ago, and I have no clue what their names are.

**Fred: **HARRY LOOK OUT

**Harry: **whoa! That was close!

**Fred: **sorry about that Harry!

**Cormac: **see! Potter doesn't even know what is going on half the time or his own player's names!

**Ginny: **SHUT IT!

**Cormac: **I can do or say whatever I want to Weasley!

**Ron: **not when you are being rude to my little sister you can't Mclaggen!

**Ginny: **honestly Ron I can take care of myself

**Ron: **Oh come on Ginny! I needed a reason to pick a fight with him!

**Harry: **why?

**Cormac: **is it because I still have my sights on Granger? 

**Hermione: **oh honestly Cormac I once compared your manners to that of Hagrid's half-brother Grawp do you really believe that I would still go out with you?

**McGonagall: **alright everyone currently playing Quidditch put your phones away so you don't lose a head or break an arm! And do in fact shut up Mr. Mclaggen, you will never be quidditch captain so long as I can help it. Especially after that disastrous match where you were filling in for Ron and you tried to do everybody else's job BUT your own! Potter got sent to the hospital wing thanks to you!

**Harry: **goodbye!

**HARRY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Cormac: **but I would be so much better then Potter!

**Ginny: **no you wouldn't!

**Ron: **did you not read what Professor McGonagall just texted?

**Fred: **or were you too lazy too?

**Cormac: **yes

**Cormac: **I mean no!

**McGonagall:** Mr. Weasley, Mr. Weasley and Ms. Weasley

**Ginny: **yes Professor?

**Fred: **what?

**Ron: **yeah?

**McGonagall: **GET BACK TO PRACTICE!

**Fred: **Bye!

**FRED HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **talk to you later!

**RON HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ginny: **goodbye!

**GINNY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Cormac: **please give me a chance to be captain Professor!

**McGonagall: **captains need to have at least made it onto the team once, as I recall, you haven't!

**Cormac: **that is only because Potter is biased and keeps letting all the Weasleys on!

**McGonagall: **really? Because as I recall the Gryffindors haven't lost a game yet this season. Which would require the players to be rather good at their job don't you think.

**Cormac: **but…

**McGonagall: **your argument is invalid now stop bugging me

**Cormac: **Professor please!

**McGonagall: **detention for annoying the crap out of me!

**Cormac: **:'-( that's not fair!

**McGonagall: **oh stop whining!

**Cormac: **:'-( :'-( :'-(

**McGonagall: **double detention then…good day.

**MCGONAGALL HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Cormac: **:'-( I'm all alone :'-(

**Fred: **Hey Georgie boy!

**George: **what's up!

**Fred: **I have an idea!

**George: **for…..?

**Fred: **a new app!

**George: **and what would this new app be called?

**Fred: **thoughtbook!

**George: **and what would thoughtbook do for the students and teachers of Hogwarts?

**Fred: **not teachers, Georgie, only students

**George: **alright then what will this app do for the _students_ of Hogwarts?

**Fred: **glad you asked. This app will allow students to see what teachers are thinking about them at any time day or night.

**George: **that's good…..but I think that we should add in the feature where students can see their grades whenever they want.

**Fred: **that's brilliant!

**George: **let's make it happen then.

**Fred: **cool.

**Dobby: **can Dobby do anything for you sir?

**Harry: **no thanks Dobby, my homework is all done now and there is really nothing more that I need help with today.

**Dobby: **goodnight sir.

**Harry: **goodnight Dobby, and please stop calling me "sir"

**Dobby: **yes sir

**Dobby: **sorry sir

**Dobby: **sorry

**Draco: **Dobby! I have a job for you!

**Dobby: **Dobby is busy

**Draco: **I don't care, I **have** a job that needs doing NOW!

**Dobby: **Dobby doesn't want to.

**Draco: **you are my slave! You have too! Or you will be severely punished!

**Dobby: **Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!

**Draco: **since when?

**Harry: **since I tricked your dad into freeing him years ago!

**Draco: **my father is too smart to be tricked by anyone!

**Harry: ** Bloody Hell Malfoy! Are you really as thick in the head as to believe that you still have a servant?

**Draco: **shut it Potter!

**Ron: **wow Malfoy you can really be dumber then Crabbe and Goyle about some things!

**Draco: **well at least I'm not as poor as you are Weasley! I mean really! Your parents can hardly afford to put you and your countless siblings through school every year. What does your mother do to help out? I mean all those children can't be your fathers doing.

**Ginny: **what are you implying Malfoy?

**Draco: **well…

**Fred: **go ahead you little ferret!

**George: **say it!

**Draco: **maybe she sleeps around for extra money, I can't imagine who would pay for her but…

**Ginny: **Shut it Malfoy! How dare you suggest a thing like that!

**Ron: **you have gone too far this time!

**Fred: **you are going regret this ferret!

**George: **if it is the last thing we do.

**Draco: **and how exactly am I going to, what's the word? Oh yeah "regret" this?

**McGonagall: **well we can start by taking two hundred points from Slytherin House and putting Mr. Malfoy in detention every Saturday and Sunday for the next six weeks.

**Draco: **that's not fair!

**McGonagall: **the way you were talking you deserve more! Especially after all you put Harry through

**Draco: **my father will hear about this!

**McGonagall: **go ahead and tell your father! It won't change anything!

**Draco: **but…..but…..but…..

**McGonagall: ** oh honestly! Why does everyone have to be so whiny today?

**MCGONAGALL HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Harry: **haha have fun in detention later!

**Fred: **and get ready for Georges and mine personal dose of revenge later.

**Draco: **what can you possibly do?

**George: **you shall see

**FRED HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**GEORGE HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Harry: **well I for one can't wait to see what they are planning

**Ron: **well considering that it is Fred and George I think we can expect it to be entertaining

**Ginny: **funny

**Hermione: **and most likely against the rules.

**Harry: **yep!

**Draco: **whatever.

**DRACO HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**FRED HAS ENTERED THE CHAT**

**GOERGE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT**

**George: **aww how come I am always after you?

**Fred: **because I am cooler then you are. Anyway it's done.

**Ron: **what's done?

**George: **the prank! What else?

**Ron: **yeah but what _is_ the prank?

**George: **you will see

**Fred: **here we set up a live video feed.

**Harry: **you going to play it?

**Fred: **here.

**LIVE VIDEO FEED**

**SLYTHERIN CHAT ROOM**

**Pansy: **how did we go from first to last place in house ranking in one day?

**Crabbe: **according to the House points app it is all because of Draco

**Pansy: **how?

**Goyle: **apparently he used some forbidden words against the Weasleys

**Draco: **yelp budget IKEA Washington wardress iTunes.

**Pansy: ** YouTube autocucumber issues backstreet!

**Goyle: **Pandora Hannibal integral Toyota.

**Crabbe: **isogonics everclears autocucumber TurboTax orbits?

**Montague: **whole iclouds goiter orioles?

**Draco: **autocucumber burke I criminal Tuesday Italian office

**Montague: **weather fidelity IMDB!

**Draco: **white measure?

**Montague: **Bechtel itt tech Israel youravon Fairfax!

**Pansy: **Nordstrom once Istanbul things your face, buzzed Walmart Amazon loans hotmail Powerball thanksgiving tough yahoos!

**Snape: **WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

**Montague: **thesaurus wells twitter toured overstock autocucumber!

**Snape: **DO YOU MEAN THE WEASLEY TWINS?

**Snape: **WHY IS MY PHONE STUCK ON CAPS LOCK?

**Montague: **dominoes associated megabit Sirius!

**Snape: **MY NAME IS NOT SIRIUS

**Snape: :-{**

**Montague: **itsy noodles merry falcon SunTrust!

**Snape: **I GIVE UP! I AM GOING TO THE HEADMASTER

**SNAPE HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**LEAVING VIDEO FEED**

**Ron: **how many people are suffering from autocorrect?

**Fred: **every Slytherin with a phone has autocorrect turned on

**George: **and the head of house has caps lock

**Fred: **it is permanent too

**Harry: **really?

**George: **well only we can turn it off

**Fred: **which isn't likely to happen

**George: **so yeah, it's permanent.

**Ron: **cool.

**Fred: **by the way Ron, when we turned on Lavenders autocorrect.

**Ron: **it wasn't permanent was it?

**Fred: **nope!

**George: **and she may have figured out how to turn it off already.

**Lavender: **Won-Won!

**Ron: **Help me!

**Fred: **sorry bro we would

**George: **but we have dates to get ready for!

**FRED HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**GEORGE HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **Harry?

**Harry: **sorry mate but your sister is waiting for me.

**HARRY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **some friend :-(

**Lavender: **Won-Won aren't you going to say Hi?

**Ron: **how about the opposite: BYE!

**Lavender: **…

**Ron: **why won't it let me leave the chat?

**Lavender: **because I charmed it after Harry left so that no one can enter or leave the chat!

**Ron: **why would you do something like that?!

**Lavender: **because I love you 333

**Ron: **you are officially the craziest person I have ever met!

**Lavender: **aww thank you!

**Ron: **let me tell you one more time, the relationship is over! Whatever chemistry you thought that was between us is gone!

**Lavender: **and let _me _tell _you _ again! THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ONLY OVER WHEN I SAY IT IS!

**Lavender: **now who do you love?

**Ron: **Hermione!

**Lavender: **NO YOU LOVE ME! TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

**Ron: **I HATE YOU

**Lavender: **TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!

**Ron: **NEVER!

**Lavender: **TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!

**Ron: **NO

**Lavender: **YES

**Ron: **NO

**Lavender: **YES

**Dumbledore: **Severus, I was told that you wanted to speak to me

**Snape: **YES

**Dumbledore: **why is your caps lock on?

**Snape: **BECAUSE OF THE WEASLEY TWINS! THEY TURNED IT ON AND IT WON'T TURN OFF!

**Dumbledore: **really? How clever of them.

**Snape: **CLEVER? IT IS ANNOYING! AND THAT IS NOT THE ONLY THING THEY DID!

**Dumbledore: **well what else did they do?

**Snape: **THEY TURNED ON THE AUTOCORRECT ON ALL THE SLYTHERINS PHONES AND NO ONE CAN TURN IT OFF BUT THEM!

**Dumbledore: **chill out Severus!

**Snape: **CHILL OUT! CHILL OUT! THAT IS ALL YOU CAN SAY TO ME? CHILL OUT! I AM TIRED OF THE TWINS SHANANAGINS AND HOW THEY ALWAYS MESS UP EVERYTHING!

**Dumbledore: **always?

**Snape: **ALWAYS

**Dumbledore: **well I don't know about _always _Severus, they always know where to draw the line so that they don't get expelled. I would say that this is more humorous then annoying.

**Snape: **HUMOROUS! IT MAY BE HUMOROUS TO YOU AND TO EVERY HUFFLEPUFF, RAVENCLAW AND ESPECIALLY GRYFFINDOR OUT THERE! BUT IT IS NOT HUMOROUS TO US SLYTHERINS!

**Dumbledore: **well you know what else Severus? Opening the chamber of secrets was not humorous to anybody but the Slytherins either! I mean I girl DIED thanks to that monster that the so called great Salazar Slytherin planted in this school so many years and which a GRYFFINDOR killed!

**Snape: **SO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING?

**Dumbledore: **nope!

**Snape: **NOTHING AT ALL

**Dumbledore: **not a thing!

**Snape: **FINE! I WILL GO ELSEWHERE FOR HELP THEN

**Dumbledore: **you do that

**Snape: **:-{

**Yup I am very proud of this! I hope you liked it and I hope you are all having an amazing summer! Special thanks go to the Oz Meister (for the Slytherin attacking idea) and to To the TARDIS for the new app idea! Also thank you everyone for reviewing. And saying nice things! Without my little intro at the beginning and the conclusion you are currently reading: this chapter is 2,012 words long! *victory dance***

**-daughterofathena2**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hptm 16**

**Hey guys sorry this took so long to write, I have been suffering from writers block. I hope you like this chapter.**

**Fred:** so Hermione...

**George: **we hacked into your phone

**Hermione:** YOU DID WHAT?

**Fred:** and we looked at you're contact list

**Hermione:** WHY?

**George:** and guess whose name we saw in the list titled "important"

**Ron:** whose?

**Hermione:** SAY ANOTHER WORD...

**George:** a certain Bulgarian

**Fred:** who is an international quidditch player

**George:** he is a seeker too, just like are young friend Mr. Potter.

**Fred:** any guesses Ron?

**Ron:** you don't mean...

**Cormac:** what are they talking about Granger? Who are you talking to that's not me?

**Hermione:** I don't even talk to you in the first place.

**Cormac:** but why?

**Hermione:** because you are a whiny little boy with the worst manners I have ever seen.

**Cormac:** :-( take that back! Please? :'-(

**Ron:** forget him Hermione! Who are Fred and George talking about?

**Krum:** me

**Fred:** why hello Vicky!

**Krum:** don't call me Vicky.

**George:** whatever you say Vicky!

**Krum:** ugh, Hermione, is everything alright?

**Hermione:** yes everything is fi...

**Cormac:** WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY GIRL?

**Ron:** SHE'S NOT YOU'RE GIRL SHE'S MINE!

**Cormac:** MINE!

**Ron:** MINE!

**Cormac:** MINE!

**Ron:** MINE!

**Hermione:** ENOUGH!

**Krum:** maybe I should come back later...

**Hermione:** ok. I will talk to you later?

**Krum:** of course, can't wait ;-)

**Hermione: **teehee

**KRUM HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **why are you talking to him?

**Hermione: **it is none of your business Ronald!

**HERMIONE HAS LEFT THE CHAT **

**Ron: **but but but…

**Ginny: **leave her alone Ron! She can talk to whomever she wants to!

**Ron: **Harry? What do you think?

**Harry: **leave it be mate, I agree with Ginny, Hermione can do whatever she wants.

**Ron: **:-( I will win her back though!

**Cormac: **No I will!

**Ron: **NO I WILL!

**Harry: **hey Ginny I think we should go now…..

**Ginny: **I think you're right…..

**HARRY HAS LEFT THE CHAT **

**GINNY HAS LEFT THE CHAT **

**Cormac: **I WILL!

**Ron: **I WILL!

**Cormac: **I WILL!

**Ron: **I WILL!

**Cormac: **I WILL!

**Ron: **I WILL!

**Cormac: **I WILL!

**Ron: **I WILL!

**C ormac: **I WILL!

**Ron: **I WILL!

**George: **well Freddy I think that we have caused a sufficient amount of havoc today don't you?

**Fred:**yes I do agree to that!

**George: **do you think we should check on the Slytherins?

**Fred: **yes I think that is an excellent idea!

**LIVE VIDEO STREAM: SLYTHERIN CHAT**

**Montague: **wheaten Disney dragon goiter?

**Pansy: **whirly?

**Montague:** *where dinosaur date gargling?

**Pansy: **waffles?

**Pansy: ***Walmart?

**Pansy:** **W-H-A-T?

**Montague: ****W-H-E-R-E D-I-D D-R-A-C-O G-O?

**Draco: **I am right here.

**Pansy: **hoo deal yodel gear rider of ten autocucumber?

**Draco: **I am assuming that you asked "how did I get rid of the auto correct?" answer: I didn't, my father bought me the new Iphone 5.

**Pansy: **soup idle isle imaginable top gel rio off telephone autocucumber?

**Draco: **yup

**ENDING LIVE VIDEO STREAM: SLYTHERIN CHAT **

**Fred: **unfortunately it seems that Malfoy found a way around the autocorrect.

**George: **should we tell Harry, Ron and Hermione?

**Fred: **nah they will figure it out soon enough.

**George: **right.

**Fudge: **Dumbledore I am sending Dolores back to Hogwarts

**Dumbledore: **because that worked out so well for her the first time.

**Fudge: **yes well…

**Dumbledore: **you just want her out of the Ministry don't you?

**Fudge: **I'm scared Dumbledore! She wants my job! I think she is planning on poisoning me!

**Dumbledore:** maybe it is time for you to retire.

**Fudge: **AHHH YOU WANT MY JOB TOO! 

**Dumbledore:** honestly Fudge for the millionth time I am happy where I am!

**Fudge: **that's what they all say!

**Dumbledore:** fine send Dolores here! She can be the Care of Magical Creatures teacher while Hagrid is away!

**Fudge: **she is going to love that, thank you Dumbledore.

**Dumbledore: **yeah yeah no problem

**I am not sure how many more chapters I am going to write, if any, because I ran out of ideas after the birthday chapter and I'm not sure how many people actually read this anymore. If you would like me to continue with this story please review and tell me so, I am looking for a minimum but I'm not saying what. Um so yeah review if you want me to continue I will wait a week before deciding. Thank you to those who still read.**

**-daughterofathena2**


	17. Chapter 17 pink is back (ugh)

**HPTM 17 hey guys, problem with format is fixed. (if u have no idea what I am talking about then don't worry about it)**

**Umbridge: **I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

**Dumbledore: **Well my day just got 100% worse.

**Umbridge: **What?

**Dumbledore: **I mean welcome back!

**Umbridge: **Thank you. Now, Cornelius didn't mention what I will be doing here?

**Dumbledore: **Ahh, well…

**Umbridge: **I assume that I will be continuing the Defense Against the Dark Arts post.

**Dumbledore:** Actually…..

**Umbridge: **I would also like to reinstate all of my educational decrees and also…..

**Dumbledore: **I'm going to stop you right there Dolores, you will be teaching Care of Magical Creatures and none of your educational decrees will be reinstated.

**Dumbledore: **Because I said so. Have fun with the magical creatures, your first class starts in five minutes and you will be teaching about centaurs.

**Umbridge: **I have to teach about those filthy half breeds?!

**Dumbledore: ** Yes, though I wouldn't call them that to their faces. Have fun!

**Umbridge: **:-(

**Fred: **George I think we should write a song.

**George: **What about and who for?

**Fred: **To torment Hermione about Krum.

**George: **Brilliant! How should it go?

**Fred: **It should be something catchy that's not hard to learn in case we want to teach it to…say…the whole school?

**George: **Good good now we just need lyrics and a tune.

**Fred: **How about…umm quick give me a quill and some parchment.

**George: **Ooh that's good, that's really good, here let me add something.

**Fred: **that's excellent mate!

**Fred: **ugh Ron needs to mind his own business.

**George: **he never does

**Ron: **I'll ask again, why are you guy's texting when you are sitting right next to each other?

**Fred: **Goodbye Ronald.

**Ron: **wait just answer my question before…

**RON GOT BOOTED OUT OF THE CHAT**

**George: **glad that works

**Fred: **yeah, so back to the song.

**Ron: **they booted me out of their chat

**Ginny: **well what did you expect?

**Ron: **a little courtesy considering I'm their brother.

**Harry: **dream on Ron, come on you guys you are late for Quidditch practice.

**Ginny: **on my way.

**Ron: **me too.

**Harry: **good.

**Hermione: **oh my god! Guess who I just saw walking in the3rd floor corridor!

**Harry: **nice timing Hermione we just finished practice.

**Ginny:** who did you see?

**Dumbledore:** all students please report to the great hall immediately.

**Harry: **what's going on sir?

**Dumbledore: **nothing good Harry, nothing good. We are welcoming back an old staff member.

**Hermione: **who?

**Umbridge: **hello dears! Did you miss me?

**Fred: **no

**George: **not one bit.

**Umbridge: **and why not? I was the best thing that ever happened to this school.

**McGonagall: **no you were the worst.

**Umbridge: **the worst?

**McGonagall: **Dolores do you really need everything said to you repeated before you understand?

**Umbridge: **I'm just giving people a chance to take back what they said the first time around.

**McGonagall: **well I will just add that to the list of your many annoying habits?

**Umbridge: **excuse me?

**McGonagall:** you heard me.

**Umbridge: **I don't believe I did.

**McGonagall: **oh really? Well I think that….

**Dumbledore: **okaaay students you are dismissed.

**Umgbridge: **Quite right Professor Dumbledore, students I will see you all in class at some point today. I am teaching Care of Magical Creatures.

**George: **interesting…

**GEORGE HAS LEFT THE CHAT **

**FRED HAS LEFT THE CHAT **

**George: **Hey Fred are you thinking what I am thinking?

**Fred: **oh yes Umbridge is never going to know what hit her.

**McGonagall: **stay out of trouble you two, and by that, I mean don't get caught.

**George: **yes ma'm.

**Fred: **you can count on us.

**McGonagall: **good, if you need any help I would try Peeves.

**Fred: **does Peeves has a cell phone?

**McGonagall:** yes I believe his number is 1-800-GOT-TROUBLE?

**Fred: **that's an unusually long number.

**McGonagall: **unusual number, unusual phone. Good Luck.

**Thank you. I hope you liked this chapter.**

**-daughterofathena2**


	18. Chapter 18

**HPTM 18 **

**Hey I just got a brilliant idea for this chapter! Teehee. **

**Dumbledore: **Students I have an unusual announcement.

**Harry: **what?

**Dumbledore: **we have a student from Durmstrang who has requested a transfer to this school.

**Ron: **who?

**Hermione: **oh my…

**Dumbledore: **students I am pleased to welcome Mr. Victor Krum to Hogwarts.

**Krum: **thank you Professor, what house will I be in?

**Dumbledore: **well if someone would kindly go and get the sorting hat out of my office.

**Colin: **I'll go!

**Dumbledore: **thank you Colin, the password is the same as it was last time you visited my office.

**Colin: **uhh sir?

**Dumbledore: **yes Colin?

**Colin: **the sorting hat said that under no circumstances will it sort someone over the age of 11 because their minds get too complicated after that age.

**Dumbledore: **oh, I should have been expecting that, well Mr. Krum I guess I will have to sort you myself.

**Krum: **alright then.

**Dumbledore:** well you are not smart enough to be a Ravenclaw

**Krum: **ok…..

**Dumbledore: **and you are not evil so that counts Slytherin out.

**Krum: **great.

**Dumbledore: **This just leaves Gryffindor!

**Cedric:** what about Hufflepuff?

**Dumbledore: **what the hell is a Hufflepuff?

**Cedric: **Hufflepuffs are really good finders.

**Dumbledore: **then go find a (beep) for me to give.

**Cedric: **right sir.

**Dumbledore: **so Mr. Krum you are a Gryffindor. DOBBY

**Dobby:** yes sir?

**Dumbledore:** please find some Gryffindor robes and other apparel for Mr. Krum. Thank you.

**Dobby:** yes sir!

**Dumbledore: **good students, you are dismissed, teachers, follow me into the teachers chat please!

**ALL TEACHERS HAVE LEFT THE CHAT**

**Fred: **actually students could you stay a moment? George and I have something to share.

**Harry:** what is it?

**George:** a song that we wrote.

**Ron:** what is this song about?

**Fred:** our friends Vicky and Hermione

**Krum:** I told you not to call me Vicky.

**Hermione:** I'm leaving now bye!

**HERMIONE FAILED TO EXIT THE CHAT**

**HERMIONE FAILED TO EXIT THE CHAT**

**Hermione: **what is going on? Why can't I leave?

**George: **we had Lavender teach us that charm to keep people from leaving the chats

**Fred:** in exchange for promising never to turn on her autocorrect again.

**George:** so anyway this is how the song goes, it is to the tune of row row row your boat.

**Fred:** _Vicky Vicky Vicky hello!_

_Welcome to Hogwarts!_

_Hermione Hermione Hermione Hermione_

_How happy you must be!_

_What fun you two will have!_

_Sneaking around the castle!_

_Just don't get caught (don't get caught)_

_Unless you want some trouble!_

**Fred: **so what did you think?

**Krum: **I just have one question, maybe two.

**George:** which is?

**Krum: **when did you write that song?

**Fred:** about 3 days ago.

**Krum:** ok how did you know I was coming?

**George:** we have our sources.

**Krum:** alright then.

**Fred:** what about you Hermione?

**Harry:** Hermione snuck out before you were done typing the lyrics, she found a way around the spell.

**George:** hmm well like it or not she will hear the song before long!

**Harry:** I have no doubt. But for now, it's time for quidditch practice.

**George:** right.

**Fred:** be there soon.

**Harry:** no detours this time!

**George:** alright alright.

**Krum:** hey Harry I was wondering if I could talk to you about joining the team?

**Harry:** sorry mate but all of the slots are filled, I will keep you mind if someone gets injured.

**Krum:** thanks.

**Harry:** no problem.

**Fred:** alright let's do it.

**George:** yo Peeves!

**Peeves:** why it's Gred and Forge! What havoc can Peevesy make for you this time?

**Fred:** as you may know, pink is back

**Peeves:** ahh yes, what a dreadful color, er I mean person.

**George:** right, well we want to make her life hell, can you help us?

**Peeves:** but of course! What would you like me to do?

**Fred:** we will start off with….

**And cut!** **I thoroughly enjoyed writing this chapter! Haha I hope you guys liked it! Please fill the review box below with thoughts and ideas and even criticism if you have any! I start school soon, so it's back to the life of sitting in the back of the classroom and trying not to draw attention to myself. I am sorry if I offended any Hufflepuffs or Slytherins in this chapter or any other. I have nothing against you guys. For those of you interested I am a Ravenclaw.**

**Till next time,**

**Daughterofathena2**


	19. Chapter 19

**HPTM 19**

**Krum: **guys for now Hermione and I are just friends

**Ron: "**just friends" is how it always starts!

**Cormac: **but you _want _it to be something more, don't you?

**Krum: **no what I want is for you to stop bugging me.

**Ron: **is that why you transferred here? So you could be closer to her?

**Krum: **No! I came here because I am tired of looking at the Mark of Athena everyday!

**Cormac: **mark of what?

**Krum:** I meant the mark of Grindelwald! The Athena thing is part of a book series in the Muggle world.

**Krum: **I was tired of looking at the mark of the man who murdered my grandfather; I was tired of everybody staring at me (not in a nice way) because I lost the triwizard tournament to Harry and Cedric.

**Krum: **so I came here, because I knew I would have at least one friend in Hermione.

**Ron: **just stay away from her!

**Krum: **no, I won't.

**Cormac: **yes, you will

**Krum: **no I won't

**Ron: **yes, you will!

**Fred: **alright settle down boys!

**George: **yes Freddy and I have a solution that will suit all of you!

**Cormac: **which is?

**George: **a three-way duel.

**Fred: **the last man standing gets the girl

**Ron: **guys that's perfect!

**Krum: **I don't know how Hermione would feel about this…

**Fred: **precisely! This is why we are not telling her!

**Cormac: **confused…

**George: **you don't tell her, the two losers will just stop making advances towards her.

**Fred: **but they WILL be allowed to continue being friends with her and may resume their advances if the winner fails to win her heart, or if they break it or lose it in some other way.

**Krum: **ok sounds fair.

**Ron: **I'm in

**Cormac: **me too.

**George: **great! Tomorrow at noon on the grounds!

**Ron: **cool.

**Cormac: **thanks guys!

**Krum: **see you all then!

**Hermione: **where are Ron and Harry?

**Ginny: **…

**Hermione: **Ginny? What do you know?

**Ginny: **I have been asked not to say…

**Hermione: **Ginny please tell me!

**Ginny: **alright. Ron, Cormac and Krum were all fighting over you until Fred and George stepped in and suggested that they have a three-way dual and the winner gets you. The losers get to stay friends with you but they don't try for anything more.

**Hermione: **WHAT?

**Ginny: **yeah and Harry is Ron's second, Krum and Cormac are on their own because neither of them has any friends.

**Hermione: **they are all idiots! I am going to put a stop to this right now!

**HERMIONE HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ginny: **yup, there all screwed.

**Ginny: **who am I texting?

**Ginny: **oh yeah, Hermione and I were alone in this chat.

**GINNY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Fred: **right, welcome to the three-way duel between Ron Weasley, Cormac Mclaggen, and Victor Krum fighting for the heart of Ms. Hermione Granger.

**George: **who does not know about this so you had better not tell her!

**Hermione: **TOO LATE!

**CORMAC HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **O.o Hermione…..

**Hermione: **WHAT WERE YOU IDIOTS THINKING?I AM A GIRL NOT SOME PRIZE TO BE WON IN A DUEL!

**Krum: **Hermione I am really sorry.

**Hermione: **SCREW THAT! IF ANY OF YOU HAD _ACTUALLY_ WANTED TO DATE ME YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME TO MY FACE NOT GO BEHIND MY BACK AND ORGANIZE A DUEL IN WHICH I AM THE _PRIZE_!

**Krum: **all I ever wanted was to be your friend, I got dragged into this duel the only reason I went along with it was so that Ron and Cormac would shut up.

**KRUM HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **Hermione I love you

**Hermione:**...what?

**Harry: **It's about time.

**Hermione: **Harry, you knew?

**Ginny: **Hermione, _everyone _has known since you were 11 years old.

**HARRY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**GINNY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **I'm only sorry that I didn't tell you earlier. I'm sorry Hermione.

**Hermione: **you're forgiven. I love you too.

**Ron: **really?

**Hermione: **do you have to sound so surprised.

**Ron:** well….


	20. Chapter 20

**HPTM 20 **

**Two chapters in one day! It's a record!**

**Dumbledore: **STUDENTS GET BACK TO YOUR DORMITORIES IMMEDIATELY! IMMEDIATELY!

**McGonagall: **what is it Albus?

**Dumbledore: **the Basilisk that Harry killed had an egg which just hatched, Fawkes just told me.

**Slughorn: **I don't understand, why not just send someone to kill it?

**McGonagall: **because this one _can't _be killed, the first Basilisk was made by magic, creatures of magic are invincible.

**Dumbledore: **we may be able to contain it in the Chamber of Secrets, but for now we need all students out of harm's way.

**McGonagall: **quite right.

**Dumbledore: **prefects are all the students accounted for?

**Percy: **all Gryffindors are here

**Dumbledore: **are you positive you see Harry, Ron, and Hermione?

**Percy: **yes sir, I have also confiscated Harry's invisibility cloak.

**Dumbledore: **good.

**Cedric: **all the Hufflepuffs are here too sir.

**Penelope: **Ravenclaws are all accounted for sir.

**Dumbledore: **good, and the Slytherins?

**Montague: **noble Islamic missophonia serious.

**Dumbledore: **assuming that means 'no'

**Dumbledore: **all classes will be taught electronically through your cellphones at the normal schedules.

**Dumbledore: **food will be sent to the common rooms at meal times.

**Hermione: **what about the house elves sir?

**Dumbledore: **don't worry Ms. Granger, House elves cannot be affected by the Basilisk.

**Hermione: **ok I was just making sure.

**Dumbledore: **Quite right to do so, now I believe that it is time for your classes, I have made specific chat rooms for each class. Off you go!

**CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES CHAT**

**Ron: **am I late?

**Harry: **Umbridge isn't here yet.

**Ron: **really? Sweet!

**Ginny: **yeah and she's not coming. Fred and George did something to her phone so that she is stuck in an app used for taking notes. She could spend hours trying to text us while she is really writing notes to herself.

**Hermione: **I wonder how they managed that.

**Fred: **with a little help from Peeves.

**George: **yeah, we also managed to install a camera so we can watch what is going on as well.

**Harry: **awesome! Let's see it!

**Fred: **alright one sec.

**LIVE VIDEO STREAMING: PINKS NOTES**

**Umbridge: **class today we are reading about centaurs.

**Umbridge: **please turn to page 375.

**Umbridge: **class? Are you listening to me?

**Umbridge: **Gryffindor students, I expect an answer just like any other teacher!

**Umbridge: **CLASS

**Umbridge: **STUDENTS

**Umbridge: **why is no one answering me?

**Umbridge: **Students?

**Umbridge: **please answer.

**Umbridge: **please?

**Umbridge: **please?

**Umbridge: **please?

**Umbridge: **please?

**END OF LIVE VIDEO STREAM: PINKS NOTES**

**Ron: **nice job guys!

**Fred: **thanks, we are thinking of other ideas to sabotage her position at this school, anybody have any ideas?

**Harry: **autocorrect?

**George: **a possibility, but that's happened a lot around here as you know, so we are trying to think of other, funnier, things to do to her.

**Hermione: **how about finding an embarrassing picture of her and sending it to everybody?

**Fred: **been there, done that. The picture just bounced back to us whenever we tried to send it.

**George: **anybody else?

**Harry: ** I've got nothing.

**Ginny: **I could put a bat bogey hex on her.

**Fred: **really sis can't you do anything else?

**Ginny: **yes but that hex is my forte.

**Krum: **why are you trying to sabotage your teacher?

**Hermione: **you're new here Krum, you don't understand. Everyone hates her.

**Krum: **alright then why don't you challenge the teachers of the school to a quidditch match against the Gryffindor team, because Gryffindors are the reigning champions, and publicly humiliate her that way?

**Fred: **Krum you're a genius!

**Krum: **and you didn't call me Vicky.

**George: **Harry you in?

**Harry: **definitely!

**Haha I'm happy cuz I uploaded two chapters in one day! Haha I have wat to much time on my hands! I hope you liked the chapters! Review please!**

**-daughterofathena2**


	21. Chapter 21

**HPTM 21**

**Hey guys! Its finally the weekend! School is crazy I hav tons of hw to do but I wanted to hav some fun first! I hope u enjoy this chapter!**

**Hermione: **Harry, go do your Transfiguration homework!

**Harry: **I did that!

**Hermione: **and the potions homework?

**Harry: **yup

**Hermione: **ok what about the DADA homework?

**Harry: **did it.

**Hermione: **and the charms homework?

**Harry: **done.

**Hermione: **you do realize that I will be checking all of this right?

**Harry: **Oh well in that case I haven't done any of that stuff.

**Hermione: **Harry!

**Harry: **what?

**Harry: **I'll get it done Hermione!

**Hermione: **how can you leave your homework until the last minute all the time?

**Harry: **don't you just love the rush of trying to get all your assignments done on time when you know that you don't have enough time?

**Hermione: **NO!

**Harry: **really? Huh that's weird.

**Hermione: **no _your_ weird.

**Harry: **no you are

**Hermione: **no you!

**Harry: **you.

**Hermione: **you!

**Harry: **you.

**Hermione: **you!

**Harry: **you.

**Hermione: **you!

**Harry: **you.

**Hermione: **get your homework done now Harry!

**Harry: **No!

**Hermione: **Yes!

**Harry: **No!

**Hermione: **Yes!

**Harry: **No!

**Hermione: **Yes!

**Harry: **No!

**Hermione: **No!

**Harry: **Yes!

**Hermione: **HA!

**Harry: **You said 'no' before I said 'yes'

**Hermione: **my fingers were crossed!

**Harry: **oh really?

**Ginny: **yeah Harry her fingers were crossed, go do your homework!

**Harry: **fine.

**HARRY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Hermione: **Thanks Ginny!

**Ginny: **no problem! How's Victor?

**Hermione: **fine….why?

**Ginny: **oh no reason in particular…..

**Hermione: **Ginny what's going on?

**Ginny: **nothing! Got to go!

**Hermione: **Ginny!

**GINNY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Hermione: **I have a feeling that today is going to be interesting

**Fred: **that it is Hermione,

**George: **that it is.

**Hermione: **yup. I'm officially scared for your guys' sanity

**Fred: **Hermione, we are not insane.

**George: **not even close!

**Fred: **we are just enjoying life.

**George: **as everybody should be doing.

**Hermione: **ok what did you do to Professor Umbridge?

**Fred: **we allowed her to be with the things she loves.

**Hermione: **you didn't….

**George: **oh yes we did.

**Ron: **what did you do?

**Umbridge: **aiudshfnueaiorvhiuaervcbvaeirf

**Hermione: **Professor?

**Umbridge: **sejgnwnvuregn aiarnviaeubthg uiernveiu vrj

**Ron: **ok why is there a pink cat with a cell phone lying down in the pumpkin patch?

**Ron: **oh…nice job guys!

**Fred: **thank you Ron.

**McGonagall: **yes well done Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley!

**George: **thank you Professor!

**McGonagall: **and 50 points to each of you!

**Fred: **sweet! Thanks Professor

**McGonagall: **no thank you boys.

**Hermione: **uh Professor?

**McGonagall: ** yes Ms. Granger?

**Hermione: **ummm what are we supposed to do with Professor Umbridge what are we supposed to tell everyone else?

**McGonagall: **I will take care of the cat and we will tell everyone else that Dolores went on holiday. Is that clear?

**Hermione: **yes ma'am.

**McGonagall: **good, good day to you.

**Hermione: **good day Professor.

**MCGONAGALL HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **Hermione?

**Hermione: **yes Ron?

**Ron: **would you like some help knitting hats for the house elves?

**Hermione: **oh, umm sure thanks Ron.

**Krum: **why don't you put a dress on while you're at it?

**Ron: **excuse me?

**Krum: **you're already doing women's work like knitting, might as well complete the transformation.

**Ron: **I swear to god…

**Hermione: **Victor what's that place you wanted to take me out to dinner again?

**Krum: **oh umm it's called The Silver Diner

**Hermione: **The Silver Diner?

**Krum: **yeah

**Hermione: **good, then you can take me there Ron, Friday at 10 work for you?

**Ron: **yeah that would be great!

**Hermione: **good

**Haha I referenced two different movies there, bravo if you caught them! I will reveal what movies they were from and what the references were in before my next chapter. For now ive got to go cuz I hav a soccer game (football to some people) soon! But before I go, if any of you watched the nine lives of chloe king when it was on TV and would like to know how it ends click on go here: ** doc/167829057/The-Nine-Lives-of-Chloe-King-Salvati on **it's a link to the movie script that was never made! So good!**

**-daughterofathena2**


	22. Chapter 22

**HI! Ugh I wish it was time for Once Upon a Time season 3! (94 hours left until the season premiere in the US, in case you didn't know) and yes I am obsessed. Anyway the movie references I made in the last chapter were from **_**The Way Way Back **_**(Harry and Hermione in the beginning) and **_**The Fast and The Furious **_**(Hermione, Ron, and Krum at the end) there may be more in this chapter. I say may be because I write what you are reading now before I write the actual chapter.**

**But I've bored you for long enough! Enjoy!**

**Umbridge: **werujngadufvneahbgkjcndvfsdkjnvfjsklnvakjdfngv

**McGonagall: **Umbridge you are a cat, cats can't text!

**McGonagall: **and I would know. I've tried.

**Umbridge: **sjugeaiuvnaiudsofgacjknaigh

**McGonagall: **oh I give up!

**MCGONAGALL HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **I had a really great time on Friday Hermione

**Hermione: **so did I!

**Hermione: **umm Ron

**Ron: **what?

**Hermione: **look into the DADA classroom.

**Ron: **Merlin's pants!

**Ron: **is that…?

**Hermione: **Professor Umbridge being licked by Mrs. Norris, who is apparently a lesbian cat.

**Ron: **I feel sorry for Mr. Filch, isn't he in love with her?

**Hermione: **yes I believe he is.

**Ron: **poor, pathetic man.

**Hermione: **indeed.

**Filch: **Mrs. Norris! Mrs. Norris! What on earth are you doing?

**Hermione: **uhh Mr. Filch?

**Filch: **what?

**Hermione: **cats can't text.

**Filch: **right. Goodbye.

**FILCH HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **ok moving on

**Hermione: **yes?

**Ron: **would you like to go into Hogsmaede with me tomorrow?

**Hermione: **what about Harry?

**Ron: **he is going with Ginny.

**Hermione: **well then yes, I would love to.

**Krum: **hey Hermione?

**Hermione: **yes Krum?

**Krum: **your face smells like peppermint!

**Hermione: **thank you, don't kiss me.

**Dumbledore: **well now Professor Umbridge what happened to you?

**Dumbledore: **ahh I see, the Weasley twins have been up to their tricks again, haven't they?

**Dumbledore: **there you go!

**Umbridge: **thank you Albus.

**Dumbledore: **no problem. Goodbye!

**DUMBLEDORE HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**McGonagall: **ahh Professor Umbridge, glad to see that you are no longer a cat.

**Umbridge: **thank you.

**Colin: **hey victor! Can you take a picture with me?

**Colin: **and then sign it?

**Colin: **can you tell me what it's like being a member of a professional quidditch team?

**Colin: **do you ever get injured?

**Colin: **why did you decide to come to school here?

**Colin: **are you jealous of Ron because he's on the quidditch team?

**Colin: **or is it because he's dating Hermione?

**Krum: **You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you.

**Colin: **O.o goodbye!

**COLIN HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Krum: **smart boy.

**Hermione: **yeah I have now lost all respect for you.

**Krum: **why?

**Hermione: **because you just threatened to beat up Colin, I don't hold with violence.

**Krum: **you battled a bunch of death eaters in the ministry of magic last year.

**Hermione: **let me rephrase my previous statement.

**Hermione: **I don't hold with violence against other students of Hogwarts.

**Krum: **you punched Draco Malfoy in the face three years ago.

**Hermione: **let me rephrase my statement again

**Hermione: **I don't hold with violence against Hogwarts students younger then me.

**Krum: **you…. I'm out.

**Hermione: **good.

**Umbridge: **AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Ron: **who died?

**Harry: **What's wrong?

**Umbridge: **everything's….._black!_

**Harry: **ooh how horrible.

**Umbridge: **I will find out who did this! Mark my words! Who ever you are you will be severely punished!

**Ginny: **hey Harry?

**Harry: **yes?

**Ginny: **are we still going to Hogsmaede tomorrow?

**Harry: **I'm sorry Ginny, I can't, I have so much stuff to do and it cant wait.

**Ginny: **oh ok.

**Harry: **sorry.

**Ginny: ** it's no problem!

**GINNY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ron: **what kind of homework do you have left?

**Harry: **I haven't done anything.

**Ron: **wow.

**Harry: **yeah.

**Ron: **have fun with that.

**Harry: **thanks.

**RON HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Ginny: **hey Harry?

**Harry: **yeah Ginny?

**Ginny: **I went to the three broomsticks for a butterbeer and met a guy

**Ginny: **who invited me out to dinner.

**Harry: **WHAT?!

**Ginny: **he isn't bad looking and he is really nice!

**Harry: **I repeat. WHAT?!

**Ginny: **do you think I should go?

**Harry: **what are you crazy? You don't know him he could be some creepy stalker.

**Ginny: **stop fretting, I turned him down, said I had homework to do.

**Harry: **oh well good, something was definitely wrong with him.

**Ginny: **wow. You could tell how wrong he was with what little I told you.

**Harry: **Ginny, I only meant…..

**Ginny: **I wonder, was it because he was to handsome? Or to interested in me?

**Harry: **Ginny I…..

**Ginny: **you know just because you wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on me doesn't meana more perceptive, less superficial guy wouldn't

**Ginny: **hey Harry you know what?

**Ginny: **YOU

**Ginny: **SUCK!

**GINNY HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Harry: **what just happened?

**Ginny: **hey Hermione?

**Hermione: **yes?

**Ginny: ** could you help me with some DADA practice?

**Hermione: **sure, do you want to work on petrificus totalus?

**Ginny: **yeah that would be great!

**Hermione: **hey Ginny you usually go to Harry with these kind of things is everything OK?

**Ginny: **why would anything be wrong?

**Hermione: **come on, tell me.

**Ginny: **I met this guy, at the Three Broomsticks,

**Hermione: **right, got it.

**Hermione: **one sec.

**HERMIONE HAS LEFT CHAT**

**Hermione: **Harry?

**Harry: **what?

**Hermione: **Harry, when a women tells a man about her feelings, she doesn't want him to fix her. She wants him to shut up and listen.

**HERMIONE HAS LEFT THE CHAT**

**Harry: **what?

**Yup. That was entertaining. I hope you guys enjoyed it! I referenced Mean Girls (Krum: your face smells like peppermint, and Hermione's reply, which was the opposite of Regina's, from the movie, but I thought it would be better that way. I also referenced Criminal Minds (the long bit at the end)**

**So I hope you thought this chapter was amusing, and if you are confused about Umbridge's terror, I turned everything in her room and all her clothes black.**

**Till next time,**

**-Daughterofathena2**


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